If you're too high to count, you shouldn't be shopping in a store

Today, a man came in to buy a couple video games, like people usually do at my job. He picked out two things that cost a total of $80, stumbled up to the counter, and pulled out a fistful of singles. I was getting his games ready, and he was not having any luck with his cash money. He said:

"I can't count. I smoked too much."

Really, bro? I offered to count his singles for him.

Bastard only had 70 of them.

"You don't have enough for both games," I said. "Want me to take out the cheaper one, and just get Black Ops 2?" I mean, of course he wanted to get Black Ops 2, he was publicly intoxicated. After some incoherent mumbling, I managed to get something that seemed like assent.

Black Ops 2 is $55, plus tax, bringing his total to- wait for it- $58-something. I gave him back $11-something and was fully ready to send him on his pot-soaked way.

"Um," he said. "I gave you $70."

YOU HIGH MOTHERFUCKER. WHY THE HELL DID YOU KNOWINGLY GIVE ME $70 FOR AN $80 PURCHASE, AND THEN MAKE ME COUNT IT FOR YOU. I HATE YOU ALWAYS.

"Yeah. Black Ops 2 was $58-something, so I gave you back $11-something." He made me re-count his change in front of him. Then he told me he'd be back for the second game, presumably after he sold some more weed.

He didn't come back.

Lest you think that this incredibly high non-counting man is exceptional in any way, allow me to provide you with some more drug-use highlights from my job:

The dealer who'd been given a PS3 in exchange for drugs instead of money, who then freaked out when we told him we wouldn't buy it without the cords.

The guy who tried to sell a PS2 to us that had a hole melted in the top from where a lit bowl had been set on it.

The guy who came in on 4/20 so high that he stumbled through a transaction without understanding a word anyone said to him, then crashed into the door trying to leave. The game was Warhammer: Space Marine.

The guy who traded in a game that had a bag of marijuana tucked in the cover, then screamed at us when we wouldn't give it back. (Actually, for any law enforcement officials reading this, video game cases are apparently a very popular place to stash contraband!)

Did I mention the guy who tried to sell us a PS2 that had a hole melted in the top from where a lit bowl had been set on it?

I don't get paid enough for this shit.

Happy Valentine's Day!

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A Facebook conversation with pictures, names, and places blocked out. "Fire Ball Are Red, Hadoken Are Blue, With Though's Combo Moves, Is Why I Love You! - By [Name Redacted]."]