We get all kinds of janky off-brand controllers at Christmas, because people will buy anything at Christmas. Nevertheless, we haven't had any good janky off-brand controller moments lately.
UNTIL TODAY!
First off, I get a call in the early afternoon.
"I NEED A WIRELESS CONTROLLER FOR AN XBOX 360. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE MICROSOFT BRAND."
"Well," I said. "Microsoft doesn't let anyone else make wireless controllers, so if you want wireless, you have to buy a Microsoft controller."
"THAT'S NOT WHAT THE PEOPLE AT [OTHER LOCATION] SAID."
Oh, great. Great.
"Well, there is one off-brand wireless controller, but it's really old. It was basically made in the Dark Ages." Yes, I did use the actual phrase "the Dark Ages." Seriously. Right now, I don't even remember the brand, and I'm trying to find a picture for the blog of the one off-brand 360 controller, and I can't even find one. They are a mere legend, spoken of only in the whispers of [Other Location]'s phone conversations.
"THE OTHER STORE SAID IT WAS ABOUT TEN DOLLARS AND THAT YOU HAVE ONE."
"Uhh, let me check."
Sure enough, we have one hanging in the area where sad old cheap used accessories live. Let's call it the Accessories Graveyard. Where gross accessories go to die. I'm pretty sure this controller has been in the store since before I started working there four years ago.
"Uhh, it's here, but it's old. Really old."
"IT WORKS FOR THE 360 DOESN'T IT?"
"...technically, yes."
"HOLD IT FOR ME."
She apparently called back to ask about janky off-brand PS3 controllers, but I didn't have to field that call. She did not come in to pick up the janky off-brand 360 controller she had on hold.
Later, at close, right at 9, the Highest Man Ever stumbled in, right past The Veteran trying to close the gates. He went straight to the demo PS4, and freaked out because it was turned off. You know, because the store was closed.
"I NEED TO BUY A PS3 CONTROLLER." Predictably, the actual Sony ones were a little out of his price range.
"JUST GIVE ME A REGULAR CHEAP ONE." Sony does allow other companies to make wireless controllers, so The Veteran grabbed a cheap wireless controller, just as Junkie grabbed a cheap wired controller.
"IS THAT WIRELESS? I'LL TAKE THAT ONE." He paid with a $50 bill, because of course he did. After he'd paid, and we were ready to usher him out of the store because we'd been closed for ten minutes, he asked us how he was supposed to charge it. Keep in mind that rechargeable batteries are expensive, and this guy had just bought a janky off-brand controller.
"It takes AAs," said The Veteran.
"NO. I CAN'T DO BATTERIES. GIVE ME THE OTHER ONE."
"Would you like to buy some batteries? We sell batteries here." Junkie flew into a rage.
"NO. NO. GIVE ME THE OTHER ONE."
So, we exchanged the two controllers. It took a while, since doing a refund requires taking down the person's information, even if they literally bought the item two seconds ago. While The Veteran made his way through the transaction, Junkie found a display box for some headphones and tried to get me to show them to him. On his way out, he jostled the Xbox One demo unit to try to see what was inside, or something.
When we finally got rid of him and locked the doors, I started laughing and couldn't stop.
"WHAT EVEN JUST HAPPENED!?"
The Veteran shook his head at me.
I wouldn't say the Sony-brand controller was out of his price range, seeing as though he busted out, literally, a wad of cash as big as my fist.
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