The Saga of Comrade Asshat

At my job, it's typical for old collector's editions to go on mega sale, because no one cares about them after the game's been out for a month. My store literally still has a sealed copy of the Killzone 3 Helghast Edition on the shelves.

I'm not making that up.

So, we recently had a price drop on the Injustice: Gods Among Us collector's edition, and as such, our website is completely sold out of them. Normal Guy came in one day to ask if there's another way to get it. 

Now, Normal Guy shops at our store all the time, so I decided to go out on a limb for him.

"I can ask [store on the other side of the state] to mail us one for you," I said.

"Great. Can I pay for it now?"

"No, because I don't know when it'll get here." Note that I did not take this man's money.

"So, can I pick it up this weekend?" It was Friday.

"No, but it might be here sometime next week."

I called the other store, and they said they would send it. I told Normal Guy that it was being shipped, and that I would call him when it arrived. 

Fast forward one week. It should be noted that this week is Grand Theft Auto week, so all our stores have been insanely busy. He called the store.

"HI, THIS IS [NORMAL GUY.] I ORDERED AN INJUSTICE COLLECTOR'S EDITION AND I WAS WONDERING IF IT'S EVER COMING."

"One sec, let me check on that." I put him on hold and call the store that was supposed to send it to us.

"Hi, did you send us that Injustice?"

"Uh, no, it's still here. I'll get that sent out for you."

So, the other store never sent it. I went back to the other line to give him an update, but he'd hung up on me. I looked up his rewards info and tried to call him, but the number attached to his rewards card was disconnected.

Fast forward one day, to today. First thing when the store opened, I got a call from our corporate office.

"Hi, I just got a call from a customer named [Normal Guy]," she began.

We're going to update his name to Comrade Asshat.

"Comrade Asshat ordered a copy of Injustice and hasn't received it yet," she said.

"Yeah. He hasn't bought anything, I just told him we'd try to get another store to send it to us, and I just got confirmation that the other store sent it. Whenever Comrade Asshat calls us, he hangs up, and the phone number we have for him is disconnected. We have no way to get in touch with him."

"...Oh." Corporate lady sounded like she felt bad for me. "This is the phone number he gave me. I'll... call him and tell him it's on the way."

I anticipate that Comrade Asshat, if the game gets here and if we can actually get ahold of him, will ask for an additional discount for his trouble.

I anticipate that we'll all laugh in his face.

Injustice: Gods Among Us

So, I got to try out Injustice, because it's in our demo unit and bossbro and I snuck over and played it while there weren't customers in the store. And let me tell you.

It is so good, you guys.

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: The cover art for Injustice. And I picked the Wii U version, because fuck you, that's why.]

Neither bossbro nor I are particularly adept fighting game players (I'm just gonna assume Super Smash Bros. doesn't count), nor are we particularly hardcore comic book nerds. I mean, when I went to pick my character, I was all, "Who the hell is Killer Frost?" 

The first match we played was Hawkgirl vs. Green Arrow. I chose Hawkgirl, because I have taste.

"You're Green Arrow? Way to choose the guy who's already dead on the cover of the game." No, seriously. Look at the cover of the game. Though if I ended up in between Superman and Batman while they were locked in a fight to the death, I'd probably be dead, too.

"Why can't I shoot arrows?" bossbro complained. "Isn't that literally all he does?" Eventually he figured it out, but he could only manage to do it while crouching, so all the arrows stuck in Hawkgirl's knee. We shared a hearty nerd laugh.

"I keep jumping by accident," I said.

"Stop using the joystick. Use the d-pad."

"Oh my God, Hawkgirl can fly! This is awesome!" I flew up in a corner, just to sort of hang out, like I do. Then I chucked my mace at Green Arrow's head.

I won that match.

The second match we played, I picked Superman and he picked Nightwing.

"Shouldn't Superman just win everything by default?" I asked. "Nightwing doesn't even have any powers. Hey, how do I use my eye beams?"

*zap*

"Ha!"

*zap*

"Yesss!"

*zap*

Then Nightwing pulled out some weirdo acrobat bullshit, and Superman dropped a fucking car on him.

So I won that one, too. 

All I want right now is to get super fucking drunk and watch a bunch of people who don't know what the hell they're doing try to play Injustice. I think Injustice is my new Soul Calibur, y'all. I mean, don't lie. You've all gone to a party to watch a bunch of drunk amateurs beat each other up in Soul Calibur, and it was totally hilarious. Now, image that instead of a bunch of wackos with weapons that make no sense, it's Batman grapple-gunning Aquaman in his douche face.

Amazing.

That's not to say there's nothing I don't like about it, though.

[Harley Quinn's new, uh, design. No comment.]

This is what I did at work today

We had the midnight release for Injustice: Gods Among Us tonight, so I decided to draw something relevant on our dry-erase board. I asked ladyboss for requests, and she said that all she wanted was Aquaman getting punched in the face.

 

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A picture of a dry-erase board with a list of games that are available for preorder. And then I drew Wonder Woman punching Aquaman in the face, while Aquaman cries about whales. Yeah. Take that. AQUAMAN YOU SUCK]

This midnight release was actually quite pleasant. (Especially compared to the last one.) Most of the people who came to pick the game up at midnight were old school comic book geeks, which was a refreshing change of pace from the mess of Call of Duty nerdbros that we usually get. It's good to see some classic, hardcore geekery still among us.

I'm gonna have to put Link back on that board eventually, though.

[A picture of the same dry-erase board with a slightly outdated list of games that are or were available for preorder. Then I drew Wind Waker Link and Zelda and a note telling people to pre-order Wind Waker HD, since it's not in the Top 10. There's no accounting for taste, I guess.]