No receipt, no refund... an ongoing saga

My store doesn't do cash refunds without a receipt. Period. If you cannot prove that you bought the item with cash, then you don't get cash back. I really don't understand how this is so difficult for everyone, especially since many of these people buy things with THE FULL INTENTION of returning them a few days later, so why wouldn't you keep the damn receipt!? But I digress.

Some lady came in a couple days after Christmas trying to get cash back for a game. We gave her the usual spiel about how we can't do cash refunds without a receipt, but she was welcome to exchange it for another game. Things escalated quickly.

"WELL, THIS IS SOME GREAT FUCKING CUSTOMER SERVICE," she screamed as she flounced to the door.

"I'M GOING TO TEAR APART MY HOUSE AND FIND THAT RECEIPT AND MAKE YOU GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK."

"Please do," said the Veteran. "If you have the receipt, there's no problem."

"MERRY CHRISTMAS," she yelled, and then- wait for it- she broke the door.

She slammed the door so hard that it broke.

Fortunately, the glass wasn't broken, just the pump that stops it from slamming shut. We only had to suffer through one or two days of the door slamming every time someone used it before it was fixed.

Unfortunately, she never did show up with the receipt, so we never got to go all "Oh heeey, we have you on camera breaking our door! This is me calling the cops! MERRY CHRISTMAS LOL!"

And really, since when does "customer service" entail giving free cash to random members of the public? Need I remind everybody, again, that Buying Stuff is not the same as Putting Your Money In The Bank? And that you don't get to withdraw Money from your Stuff whenever you want?

WHY.

AND AGAIN!

A guy came in today to buy janky off-brand Wii remotes. He asked if they worked the same as a regular Wii remote and I said yes.

FAST FORWARD.

Angry phone call.

"THESE DON'T HAVE THE WII MOTION PLUS."

"Um, no, they don't." 

"I ASKED YOU IF THEY WERE THE SAME AS A REGULAR WII REMOTE AND YOU SAID YES."

Regular Wii remotes don't have the Motion Plus included. Motion Plus is extra.

"I misunderstood the question," is what I said instead. "You can buy the Motion Plus controllers for $20 more."

Yet another crisis that could have been averted if people stopped buying janky off-brand controllers.

There's a website called Black Friday Death Count

Black Friday Death Count

Good thing someone's counting, I guess? My job as a cashier should not be hazardous to my bodily safety, but it often is. Register jockeys get threatened with violence all the time.

And someone actually punched bossbro in the face once, but that deserves its own post.

On the subject of people thinking different chain stores have a hive mind

There are certain things we can't share between stores. Pre-orders are a big one. If you put down a deposit on something, that deposit is tied to the specific location. It's done that way for security and inventory reasons. Of course, the customers are never happy when we take precautions to protect their money.

I wasn't there for the first part of the fight, but apparently some loser got in a huge fight with The Veteran because he couldn't find his preorder. The first question is always, "Did you do the pre-order at another store? We can't share pre-order information between stores." Regardless, this guy did another pre-order for Ghosts, and left. Apparently.

He came back, rage-ablazin', during the Ghosts midnight release.

"I FOUND MY RECEIPT!" he shouted. "THAT GUY HERE BEFORE TOLD ME HE COULDN'T FIND MY PRE-ORDER BUT I FOUND MY RECEIPT."

He triumphantly threw the receipt down in front of me. I glanced at it.

"I KNEW I DID IT HERE. I DID THE PRE-ORDER RIGHT HERE."

"This is a receipt for [store on the other side of town]," I said flatly, pointing to the store name and address printed at the top of the receipt.

".......oh."

"Did he tell you we can't look up pre-orders from other stores?"

"........."

"Would you still like to pick up Ghosts?"

".....yeah."

I'm really tired of angry old people who don't understand gift cards

A grandparent came into the store to buy a gift card.

"I WANT A GIFT CARD," he shouted. Now, we have a lot of different gift cards with different pictures on them. In particular, we have "Happy Birthday!" gift cards, and of course we just got all of our holiday gift cards. So, my coworker asks:

"What's the occasion?"

"I WANT A GIFT CARD. SO HE CAN SPEND MONEY HERE," the angry old guy yells, as if it's the register jockey who doesn't understand how a gift card works.

At non-Christmas times, when people buy gift cards, I always ask whose birthday it is. And then they look at me like I am a goddamn wizard and ask how I knew it was someone's birthday. And I always say:

"Why else would you be buying a gift card?"

The embarrassment on their faces fuels my soul.

I talked to a mean phone lady, and it was just like every other day

The other day, a nice grandma was in the store buying birthday presents for her grandsons. One of the things on their list was "an Xbox 360 hard drive," which as we all know from my helpful guide, is different depending on which model 360 they have. Typically, extended family who's buying gifts are pretty understanding about my needing more information to sell them the right product. She calls her daughter to ask what Xbox they have. She clearly wasn't getting anywhere, so I asked if I could talk to the mom directly.

"Do you know what model Xbox 360 you have?"

"HOW SHOULD I KNOW?" Charming. I went in to my list of questions.

"What color is it?"

"UH. BLACK."

"Does it have a built-in wireless internet connection?"

"WHAT?"

"Can it connect to the internet without using cords."

"WELL, I ASSUME SO, SINCE THEY'VE BEEN PLAYING ONLINE," she said nastily.

"Ok. That means you have the slim model, and it requires an internal hard drive." At this point, I'm talking to the mean phone lady and the grandma in the store. "The internal hard drives are $129.99. If you're looking for a less expensive option, you can also use USB flash drives."

"THAT'S UP TO HER," phone lady snarled. I handed the phone back. The grandma talked to her daughter for a little while about the options, and decided to go with the expensive hard drive. She was happy that she bought the right thing, thanked me, and left.

I hope for her kind and patient self that her grandsons are less snotty than her daughter is.

IT'S PRACTICALLY HERE

We just finished hiring all the seasonal people.

Christmas is coming.

I love Christmas, but people get a wee bit irrational the closer we get. And this is the first console launch I've worked, and I've been told that once we're sold out, grandmas will be crying at me all the time. Cool! My grandma would never cry in a store for a video game. If I asked her to wait around in stores to buy me one, she'd be like, "Um, no. You already have too many toys. Go play with your hoop and stick," or something, because my grandma is hardcore.

Anyway.

Last year on Black Friday, we were doing a sale on used games. Sometime in the morning, an elderly woman wandered in because she'd heard about the sale. Ladyboss asked if she could help her find anything.

"THESE ARE ON SALE, RIGHT?" She held up some brand new merch.

"Actually, the sale is only on used items," ladyboss explained. The woman shouted:

"I DON'T WANT ANYTHING USED!" and threw all her stuff on the floor. As she was flouncing out of the store, she turned, looked at ladyboss, and growled: 

"You better shape up."

Ladyboss waved and said:

"Have a nice day! Merry Christmas!"

A thank you would be nice

The other day, I dropped by the store on my day off because I'd left some stuff there. On days where I don't have to go to school or work or hang out with anyone, I generally dress like a hobo. This particular day, I was going to the craft store, so I was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, because when I'm shopping for craft supplies I need to be COMFORTABLE.

I walk in, and Lezzie Free-Shirt is on her own, because bossbro is on break. I arrive at the same time as a ridiculously over-the-top douchey family trying to do an out-of-policy system exchange. That's taking a while, so a crowd is gathering, and Lezzie Free-Shirt is getting visibly frustrated. My store is pretty small-scale, so you're able to do transactions without clocking in. I hopped onto the other register. It's a mom and a little kid.

"Hi," I said. "I'm obviously not working today, because I'm literally wearing sweatpants, but I can ring you out."

The kid just accosted me with Pokémon questions. He wanted to know why Pokémon X and Y didn't come out on the DS, and he wanted to look at all the Pokémon games we have, and then he wanted to complain about how expensive they are. During all this, the mom just stood there and did nothing.

LADY, I AM LITERALLY WEARING MY FUCKING PAJAMAS.

They finally bought Pokémon Platinum and left without thanking me.

Offering to help does not mean you're entitled to my help. 

The Saga of Comrade Asshat

At my job, it's typical for old collector's editions to go on mega sale, because no one cares about them after the game's been out for a month. My store literally still has a sealed copy of the Killzone 3 Helghast Edition on the shelves.

I'm not making that up.

So, we recently had a price drop on the Injustice: Gods Among Us collector's edition, and as such, our website is completely sold out of them. Normal Guy came in one day to ask if there's another way to get it. 

Now, Normal Guy shops at our store all the time, so I decided to go out on a limb for him.

"I can ask [store on the other side of the state] to mail us one for you," I said.

"Great. Can I pay for it now?"

"No, because I don't know when it'll get here." Note that I did not take this man's money.

"So, can I pick it up this weekend?" It was Friday.

"No, but it might be here sometime next week."

I called the other store, and they said they would send it. I told Normal Guy that it was being shipped, and that I would call him when it arrived. 

Fast forward one week. It should be noted that this week is Grand Theft Auto week, so all our stores have been insanely busy. He called the store.

"HI, THIS IS [NORMAL GUY.] I ORDERED AN INJUSTICE COLLECTOR'S EDITION AND I WAS WONDERING IF IT'S EVER COMING."

"One sec, let me check on that." I put him on hold and call the store that was supposed to send it to us.

"Hi, did you send us that Injustice?"

"Uh, no, it's still here. I'll get that sent out for you."

So, the other store never sent it. I went back to the other line to give him an update, but he'd hung up on me. I looked up his rewards info and tried to call him, but the number attached to his rewards card was disconnected.

Fast forward one day, to today. First thing when the store opened, I got a call from our corporate office.

"Hi, I just got a call from a customer named [Normal Guy]," she began.

We're going to update his name to Comrade Asshat.

"Comrade Asshat ordered a copy of Injustice and hasn't received it yet," she said.

"Yeah. He hasn't bought anything, I just told him we'd try to get another store to send it to us, and I just got confirmation that the other store sent it. Whenever Comrade Asshat calls us, he hangs up, and the phone number we have for him is disconnected. We have no way to get in touch with him."

"...Oh." Corporate lady sounded like she felt bad for me. "This is the phone number he gave me. I'll... call him and tell him it's on the way."

I anticipate that Comrade Asshat, if the game gets here and if we can actually get ahold of him, will ask for an additional discount for his trouble.

I anticipate that we'll all laugh in his face.

Oh for the love of

This guy, and people like him, make my life miserable on a regular basis:

"Good job letting us know the GTA V Limited Edition was pre-order only"

FOR FUCK'S SAKE. ALL LIMITED EDITIONS ARE PRE-ORDER ONLY.

What do these people think "limited" means? "There'll be copies for purchase all over the place"? BECAUSE THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT LIMITED MEANS.

We had people strolling into my store one or two days before the release demanding to reserve a collector's edition of Grand Theft Auto V. Um, even if there were any left- which there are not, because other people bought them all already- how would we get it to the store by launch day? You realize we're not printing and packaging games in the back, right? We're supposed to fork out for overnight shipping because your entitled ass didn't think to order a limited run item from any of a million retailers, at any point in the past year?

Sorry. Buy the stuff on eBay. I don't even care.

GTA V midnight release aftermath madness

Surprisingly normal, with no little kids bragging about how they were being allowed to stay home from school to play the game. (Apparently all the Parents-of-the-Year save that privilege for Call of Duty.)

The only real issue we had was that our state increased sales tax this month, so everyone who full-paid the game before September 1st owed an extra fifteen cents.

Most people were cool about it. One guy even left all his change behind to help other people out. (Thanks, guy! You're all right.) But then, as it always happens, we get this one douchebag who just won't let it go.

"I PAID FOR THIS FIVE MONTHS AGO," he said. "YOU CAN'T CHARGE ME EXTRA TAX."

"Well, you weren't actually buying a product until literally right now," I said. "You just put a deposit down that covered the former cost of sales tax. That changed, so you have to pay the difference."

"I PAID FOR THIS FIVE MONTHS AGO," he said.

"No, you just put a deposit down."

"I PAID FOR THIS FIVE MONTHS AGO. YOU CAN'T CHARGE ME TAX. ARGLE BLARGLE."

It was a collector's edition game and and guide that he had preordered, so he owed about a dollar, which he finally coughed up when he realized I wasn't particularly sympathetic to his brilliant tax-dodging plan.

We also get a lot of people who insist on buying things online so they "won't have to pay tax." Most states seemed to have caught up with that- I know I have to pay sales tax on online purchases here, even for game downloads. And even if you don't pay taxes through the seller, you're still supposed to declare your purchases to the government, because not paying your taxes is a crime.

"Bye! Have fun getting audited!" - Things I'm not allowed to say

If I never have to explain sales tax to anyone ever again, I could die happy.

SEE ALSO: This guy.

No, seriously, is it September 17 yet?

Today, a man spent about twenty minutes trying to bribe me into giving him his Grand Theft Auto V early. This sort of thing isn't uncommon at all, but luckily, I hate all our customers, so it's easy not to give into temptation.

"Come on," he said. "I already paid for it, just give it to me early."

"I can't do that," I said. "[Store] gets fined, and I would lose my job."

"I have $40 cash I can give you," he said.

"I'm too poor to lose my job over this," I said.

I mean, seriously. If you're gonna ask me to lose my job, you've got to give me at least $1000. For food and stuff. If you pay my rent and bills until I find a new job, I will happily give you your GTA V.

I mean, what kind of asshole asks someone to lose their job so they can have a toy two days early?

Hey, I haven't mentioned the white board in a while

Lately, grubby little kids have been ruining my drawings.

A bunch of LEGO Marvel characters, drawn by moi.

The LEGO Marvel Super Heroes crowd lasted a surprisingly long time. Part of LEGO Hulk's face got erased, but other than that, it all stayed more or less intact. Ladyboss even went out and bought new dry-erase markers for the store, hence the glorious return of the color red.

I got bored of that, though, so I moved on to a title that's not on the board and never will be:

Tidus and Yuna, from Final Fantasy X, drawn by moi.

If I could draw characters for the Kingdom Hearts 1.5 re-release, why not Final Fantasy X and X-2? Mere days after I drew this one, though, poor Tidus and Yuna were completely destroyed due to the actions of an aggressively unsupervised child who ladyboss named "Captain Destructo."

I didn't want to do anything complicated to replace it, so:

Now it's a piranha plant! Hooray!

As of this writing, Mr. Piranha Plant's pipe and stem have been almost completely erased by little kid fingers.

Why, children!? Why!?

In which some guy claims that a charity is ripping him off

This particular gem didn't happen to me, it happened to bossbro. Apparently, some guy came in to check prices on some game he wanted. It was probably something stupid, so let's use some artistic license and say he wanted Call of Juarez: The Cartel. 

"Wow!" says Douche McLikesbadgames. "They were trying to sell Call of Jar-rez for more at Goodwill. I knew it was a rip-off."

"Uh," said bossbro. "Goodwill is a charity. All of the money they make in sales goes to charity."

"Total rip-off," said Douche.

Honestly, we probably did Goodwill a favor by taking this guy off their hands.

Hell is a pretty crowded place

There's a special place waiting in hell for every person who makes a store open up a sealed product for them, to "look at it," so they can choose not to buy it.

On a related note, every time I go out of my way to be nice to a customer, I get totally shafted.

Let me tell you how selling a product works

Once again, a game developer has stumbled out into the internet, trash talking used video game resellers, and generally sounding like a clueless buffoon. Naturally, he's mad at GameStop, because it's the biggest and sexiest target. Everything here applies to other big corporate re-sale stores, like Best Buy and Amazon.

And yes, I'm using GameStop's real name this time, at risk of being attacked by internet trolls, because all this anti-consumer blathering needs to be called out.

Read the comments if you feel like taking in a healthy dose of neckbeard fury.

Now, Ru Weerasuriya, let me, a low-level retail employee with no economics degree, explain to you how your business works.

1. Make a product worth buying.

Ready at Dawn, Mr.Weerasuriya's development studio, does not make bad games, so this isn't really an issue. They're responsible for the God of War titles on the PSP, and the Wii port of Okami. (Remember that their highest rated title is a port for later.) 

I mention up front that making a product worth buying is a vital part of the process because the other guy famous for complaining that GameStop is "cannibalizing" the industry is Denis Dyack of Silicon Knights. Sweetie, the reason your company is struggling is that the only games you've put out in the past decade are Too Human and X-Men Destiny, and you got your pants sued off by Epic Games for copyright infringement.

2. Find someone willing to publish your product.

Ready at Dawn is a second-party developer published by Sony Computer Entertainment. They pay Sony to package and advertise their product, and release it on their consoles. Keep in mind that if the game isn't selling, your publisher isn't going to be willing to keep paying to print more copies. (SEE #1: "Make a product worth buying.") Ready at Dawn is fortunate in that their two God of War games have been re-released several times on PSP and PS3, both physically and digitally, so there's still a stream of revenue coming in. You know, because the games are good, and people want to buy them.

You can, of course, skip this step and the following steps by self-publishing, but I'm pretty sure Mr. Weerasuriya doesn't want to give up the money and recognition he gets for making A-list titles like God of War. More on that later.

3. Find someone willing to buy your product.

Did you know, Mr. Weerasuriya, that everything sitting on the shelves at GameStop, or Best Buy, or Target, or God forbid Wal-Mart, is owned by that store? Stores don't "lease" products, consignment style, and send a check to the publisher each time one sells. They buy in bulk.

People who play video games are not your customers. Retailers are your customers.

GameStop buys loads and loads of physical copies of your game from your publisher, and then keeps the meager profit they make from selling them again, to A Video Game Fan. Your continuing sales profits come from retailers ordering more copies of the game.

It should also be noted that GameStop (though Best Buy and Amazon and even Wal-Mart are getting into it now, too) is notorious for pushing pre-sales of new releases. You know, day one sales. The ones that make developers money.

Mr. Weerasuriya tells a charming story about freaking out on some poor GameStop employee who tried to sell him a used copy of a game. I mean, first off, if you hate GameStop so much, why are you shopping there? The developer sees no profit from the sale either way. The money all goes to GameStop regardless, because GameStop already paid for the game. And secondly, I guarantee you that that poor register jockey schmuck was being forced to try to pre-sell full-price copies of that game to everyone who came in the store for months.

Because:

4. Selling new video games is not profitable for retailers.

There's a reason GameStop is the only major video game specialty chain in most parts of the US, and there's a reason they push day one sales of their new stock. The instant that game goes on sale, even $10 off, the retailer is selling it at a loss. Other retailers, like Target or Best Buy, can subsidize their somewhat-less-than-profitable video game department with high margins in other areas, like clothes or food or pretty much anything else. GameStop only sells video games, and video game paraphenalia.

So why are they able to stay in business?

Used game sales.

Used products, accessories, and strategy guides are really the only things GameStop sells that they actually make money on. The figures for game consoles are even worse than the games themselves.

Let me spell this out for you, Mr. Weerasuriya.

The reason GameStop is able to buy your product- to the tune of nearly 50% of the market share for new 360 and PS3 software- is because they make money off of selling your product used. You remove GameStop from the equation, because "wah wah they're profiting from selling our product used wah," developers on the 360 and PS3 immediately lose half of their sales.

That's why, even though these developers whine and moan about used game sales, they're completely unwilling to stop dealing with GameStop.

"Waaahh! GameStop made money off a used sale of my game and I hate them and they're ruining the industry wah wah wah! Here, GameStop, have some awesome preorder bonuses. Please sell our stuff. Please."

There is absolutely no reason to take any of these people seriously.

Now, if you don't want to have to go through a physical retailer to sell your product, there are plenty of ways to do so. Digital distribution through PCs and consoles is on the up, though your product wouldn't be accessible to people without reliable internet. You could throw your support behind the Ouya, a console designed specifically to allow programmers to publish their own games with no licensing fees, or even self-publish on Android and iOS. 

Of course, if it did any of these things, then Ready at Dawn would lose its valuable contract with Sony, and no longer be able to make fancy-pants bro games.

The way the industry is set up now, if you want to make big, A-list titles, you have to play nice with GameStop. They are the ones buying your product, and advocating its value to consumers.

Speaking of whom!

I've only been talking about the business side of things, of course, and completely ignoring the most important factor: the people who play the video games. Like me. I am the most important factor.

Which brings us to:

5. Gaming is a really expensive hobby.

Your average person, self included, simply can't afford to pay cash for a ton of new releases every year. Assuming we want to own the game instead of borrowing or renting it, that leaves us with two options: wait to buy the game until it's used or on mega-sale, or magic up some money from somewhere.

GameStop is that magical money generator. GameStop and other corporate resellers provide a service that consumers want.

As my disapproving parents will tell you, I buy a lot of new release video games each year. How can I afford to do that on my meager retail hourly wage?  

I use trades.

I trade in the stuff I've already played to get a discount on the new stuff I want. I've traded in stuff to get mega expensive collector's editions. I've traded in stuff to get Steam money and network cards, to buy digital content that doesn't have to share profits with a retailer.

Sure, I could sell my crap myself on Craigslist or eBay, and I have done so, but that's an amount of time and effort that doesn't really seem necessary if I'm not selling something fancy and expensive. GameStop is quick and easy, and you can get the product you're looking to buy all at the same time. GameStop's CEO even went on record saying that 70% of resell credit given out by GameStop is used to buy new products.

More importantly, consumers have the right to resell a physical product that they buy. They don't have the right to copy the content, but the physical game is theirs to do with as they please. The first-sale doctrine is a vital pillar of consumer protections. To make an awesome nerd analogy, these developers are like the Harry Potter goblins who believe that everything belongs to the original creator, no matter how many times it's been gifted or sold.

"Nope, the sword of Godric Gryffindor is definitely still mine, even though one of my ancestors made it specifically to give to Godric Gryffindor a million years ago and we haven't had it since."
        
Of course, the goblins didn't expect to be given money every time the sword changed hands. Which means that what some of these developers are proposing is even more ridiculous than a fake goblin culture that was designed to seem nonsensical to modern readers. 

"You can't make a living at the expense of everybody else," says Mr. Weerasuriya. Remember when I said to remember that Ready at Dawn's highest-rated title is a Wii port of Clover Studio's Okami? Now is the time to remember that, and either giggle, or roll your eyes, or both. 

Mr. Weerasuriya, your ideas are bad and you should feel bad.

#dealwithit

No, seriously, causing a scene is great

A guy just called me because he currently doesn't have internet and he's having trouble playing a Steam game offline. While I was trying to Google a phone number for him to call, he swore at me for ten minutes about how stupid Steam was for not having a phone number.

"I don't work for Steam," I finally shot back. "I'm literally just trying to Google an answer for you on my phone." He shut up.

I'm so tired, loyal readers.

I know what you should do! Cause a scene!

We just got one of those people.

"I need to return this." She handed us a game and a receipt. Luckily, bossbro had to deal with this woman.

"Would you like to pick out something else, or would you like me to put the money back on your card?"

"I want a refund."

"Ok, I'll just need to see the card."

"I don't have it. It's my husband's card."

"We can't do a credit card transaction without the card present."

"I HAVE WORKED RETAIL MY WHOLE LIFE AND NO OTHER STORE HAS THIS POLICY."

That is incorrect. I'm guessing this lady is a Wal-Mart lifer. Wal-Mart doesn't have any policies for anything.

"Every retail job I've ever had has required that the physical card be present for a refund," I deadpanned. And let me tell you, I've had a lot of fucking retail jobs.

"NO, HONEY. I'VE WORKED RETAIL MY WHOLE LIFE." 

Then shouldn't you know that causing a scene is going to accomplish absolutely nothing, that we're going to still refuse to do your shitty return, and that we're then going to make fun of you in the store and on the internet? Your condescension is noted, though.

Yesterday I had a guy complain that video game stores are the only places that check his ID when he uses his credit card. 

"Because we're small specialty stores, so we can't afford to eat the losses from credit card fraud that Wal-Mart can," I explained, barely suppressing an eye roll. Nor do we have the infrastructure to look up purchases by credit card number, which is why we can't do refunds without a card present. We don't save your credit card information in the store. Would you like us to save your credit card information in the store, ma'am?

I plan my purchases, and only buy things I intend to keep. I wish I were the rule and not the exception.

Real customer conversation

"Thank you for calling [store], this is [Miss Blog Lady]."

"Is there another manager on duty, or is it just you?"

"Just me."

"I hate you. You're a bitch."

And then I hung up on him.

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day at the video game store is a depressing parade of assholes-in-training forcing their moms to go out and buy them expensive toys on the one day that's supposed to be about mothers. So, I'm not going to write about that.

Contrary to public opinion, I do, in fact, have a mother, and she's pretty great. Her birthday's in a couple weeks, though, so I'll save my mom-talk for then.  I'm not writing about her today, either.

Because Mother's Day is a significant date in the work history of Miss Blog Lady.

Mother's Day, 2005 was the first- and only!- time I ever cried because of a customer.

When I was 16, my family filed for bankruptcy, and I went out and got my very first crappy service job as a waitress at one of those super cheap sit-down "family" restaurants. (Oh, the waitress stories.) They were always on us about up-selling drinks and desserts on top of meals. So, this particular Mother's Day, an older gentleman gets put in my section. The meal happens without any difficulty.

"Would you like to order any dessert today? It's Mother's Day!" I asked, like a good little corporate stooge, while clearing up his plates.

"WELL, I'M NOT A MOTHER," said Grumpy Old Man.

"Do you have any kids?" I asked.

"MY WIFE IS DEAD."

"Uh... oh, gosh. I'm so sorry," I said. The awkwardness was tangible. He grumbled some more.

"STRAWBERRY SUNDAE."

"Uh... ok," I said, with a chipper teenage waitress smile, and I went back and put it in. A couple minutes later, I bring out his sundae.

"I SHOULDN'T HAVE ORDERED THIS," yelled Grumpy Old Man, as if the fact that he asked me for a sundae was somehow my fault.

Then he complained to my manager and didn't leave me a tip.

I was young. I'd been working for less than two months. I didn't know yet that customers will find any excuse to blame their own problems on service people. So, I went in the back room and cried, because some mean old guy who's ok with screaming at kids was triggered into a frothy rage by my smalltalk about the holiday.

Nowadays when people yell nonsense at me I just give them my "no one cares" face and tell them that no one's making them shop at my store. "You tryin' to rattle me? Please. I got that business out of my system when I was 16."

So- Happy Mother's Day, blog readers! Celebrate as you see fit.

Just don't go to a cheap restaurant and scream at the server about your dead wife.

(P.S. I love you, mom.)