Tablets

It is semi-widely known that selling electronics is not profitable at all, mostly because huge swaths of The Public are technologically illiterate, and as such, either return everything they buy because it "doesn't work" or just become high-maintenance thorns in the retailer's side. Tablets generally can't be resold after they've been returned, so unless the manufacturer has a deal allowing the retailer to return returned tablets, the retailer just has to eat a several-hundred-dollar loss.

Now, somewhere like The Apple Store that's selling their own products can afford to also have tech support and how-to classes- services that are built in to the iPad's high price. Somewhere like Target or Wal-Mart, however, has no post-sale tech support for tablets.

My store falls in the "no support for tablets" category, and people are trying to return them as defective all the time.

The most dramatic example of this is my new best friend Kindle Lady, who has returned no fewer than four Kindles in the past two weeks.

My store sells refurbished Kindles. Kindle Lady ordered four of them for her kids from our website. She of course bought the cheapest model, because she either didn't know there was more than one model of Kindle, or didn't read any of the product descriptions.

She got sent original-model Kindles, and came into the store all flustered because she wanted "the ones with the cameras on them."

"Ok," we said. "That's the Kindle Fire HD, and costs more money."

"That's fine. Oh, and these two won't hold a charge." It didn't matter that she said they were broken because she was returning them anyway, so we did the swap and ordered two Kindle Fire HDs to be sent to her house.

She came back in a week.

"THEY SENT ME ANOTHER BROKEN TABLET," she said. "IT WON'T CHARGE AT ALL." At this point, I'm wondering whether she's just handing them off to her kids and assuming they don't work when the kids can't figure them out. So after doing her exchange- corporate gave her a $20 off coupon for her "trouble"- I plugged in the Kindle.

It powered on and prompted me to set up an account. So, she was telling the truth that she / her kid couldn't get it to turn on, but the issue was simply that the battery was dead and she hadn't let it charge enough.

Luckily, my store only sells used tablets, so the functional ones she returned can just be repackaged and resold. If we'd been selling them new, however, the company would have either lost several hundred dollars outright because this woman didn't know anything about Kindles, or simply denied all her returns, resulting in an angry customer trolling the internet about how terrible we are, which she's probably doing anyway, because we totally ruined Christmas. 

Short version: I hate selling consumer electronics.

Really, bro?

A guy just came in to return a DS because he claimed it wasn't able to charge, because the charge light wouldn't stay lit.

We had to explain to him that the charge light goes out when the battery is done charging.

But WHO'S ON FIRST!?

The other day, we had some Wiiple trying to return a Wii remote because they claimed it didn't work, when really the issue was that they hadn't synced it. This happens all the time. So I opened up the Wiimote to show them where the sync button is.

"See this red button here? There's an identical button on the front of the Wii, inside the panel next to the disc slot. All you need to do is push those the buttons at the same time." The girl asked,

"So, what do I push on the Wii?"

Pause.

"There's a panel on the front of the Wii, next to the disc tray. When you open it, you'll see a red button that looks just like this one."

"Red... you mean the power button?"

"No. There's a panel on the front of the Wii. When you open it, you'll see a red button that looks just like this one."

"But what do I push on the Wii?"

"There's a panel on the front of the Wii. When you open it, you'll see a red button that looks just like this one."

"NO. I NEED TO KNOW WHAT I PUSH ON THE WII."

"That's what I'm telling you," I said, tired of repeating myself. "There is a panel on the front of the Wii. When you open it, you will see a red button that looks just like this one. That is the button that you push."

"Oooohhhhhh," she said. She and her mom left to pick out a game. The mom came back almost immediately.

"Can you explain that again?"

"The directions are in the box."

Retail Wiiple support

The most common problems with the Wii are that the power cord gets fried, or the Wiimotes fall out of sync. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure my busted old Wii could survive nuclear armaggedon.

"The disc tray stopped working on my Wii."

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO IT!?"

Regardless, we're constantly getting calls from people who can't figure out how to sync their Wii and Xbox controllers. 

Like today.

A woman calls me, wanting to return a Wii she bought six months ago because the Wiimote fell out of sync.

"You just need to re-sync your Wiimote," I said. "Do you know how to sync your Wiimote?"

"No."

I walk her through syncing her Wiimote. Basically, there's a red button on the remote, and a red button on the Wii, and you push them at the same time.

"Does the Wii have to be turned on?"

"Yes."

A long pause.

"IT'S NOT WORKING."

At that point, I gave up and gave her Nintendo's support line, because they hopefully have a tried-and-true phone script for dealing with these people. Otherwise, she's going to be really disappointed when she comes in looking for a refund and instead I sync her Wiimote for her.

The last woman who had this same issue ranted for twenty minutes about our defective products, watched me sync the controller in less than thirty seconds, shouted "WELL, IT DIDN'T WORK WHEN I DID IT," grabbed her Wii, and flounced out of the store.

Some people can't be helped

Some guy is on his way here with a PS3, so that I can reset it to standard def for him.

"You don't have to do all that," I said on the phone. "It's really easy. All you have to do is hold down the power button until it beeps a second time."

"Can't I just bring it up there, and you can do it for me?"

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PUSH A BUTTON

No, seriously, causing a scene is great

A guy just called me because he currently doesn't have internet and he's having trouble playing a Steam game offline. While I was trying to Google a phone number for him to call, he swore at me for ten minutes about how stupid Steam was for not having a phone number.

"I don't work for Steam," I finally shot back. "I'm literally just trying to Google an answer for you on my phone." He shut up.

I'm so tired, loyal readers.

Retail tech support

If you are having an issue with your electronic device, do not call the retailer you bought it from for tech support. You're just wasting everyone's time. Here's a conversation I just had, here at my job where I am currently located.

"Thank you for calling [Store], this is [Miss Blog Lady]."

"I'm having a problem with my 360, can you help me?"

"We don't offer repair services, but I can give you Microsoft's support number."

"Well, just tell me if you've ever heard of this happening before."

What followed- what always follows- was a long-winded incoherent description of some mechanical failure I know nothing about. If the question is something like "I forget how to sync my controller," then sure, I can help you. But am I able to explain any sort of change in system settings, perfectly, from memory, in a way that is understandable for your stupid ass? Nope.

I mean, do I look like Google to you?

"No, I've never heard of that problem before," I said when he was finally finished. "But I can give you Microsoft's support number."

"I don't wanna call them," he complained.

Well then, apparently you don't want to get your Xbox fixed.

P.S. http://bit.ly/12ytN5t