Bioshock Infinite: The Midnight Release

I just got home, and I have to write it all down so I don't forget, because shit was cray.

This release was pretty big, but since it's winter (TECHNICALLY SPRING NOW, I KNOW Y'ALL), they didn't give us the hours for full coverage. So it was only me and the assistant manager, who will henceforth referred to as "bossbro."

I have texted the word "bossbro" so many times that it's now in my auto correct.

The regulars, who I affectionately (?) call my "repeat offenders," showed up first. One of them brought a Nietzsche book to read while he waited. I didn't pay attention to which one. He was really pleased that I both knew who Nietzsche was and how to pronounce his name. Then the conversation sort of veered off into him telling me about how he beats up anyone who mistreats his little sister. Bossbro was all, "yeah, I spent a night in jail once for beating up some guy who mistreated my little sister."

Apparently, this is fairly common, and I should be grateful that my own big brother has never beaten up any of my boyfriends. Cool.

At some point, everyone started talking about furries, and a teenage girl started explaining to a group what "yiffing" is. I mean, really? At the Bioshock Infinite midnight release?

"Stop talking about yiffing!" I said. "Um, sorry if any of you are furries and I offended you. I guess."

An older gentleman in the back raised his hand.

"I'm not sorry," said bossbro.

One of the repeat offenders made a joke about bossbro's wang. I don't remember what it was. The joke was so unfunny and clumsily delivered that bossbro didn't even get it.

"It's a penis joke," I explained. "He's talking about your penis." Penis Guy went on to talk about how when he was in high school, he would spend his time fixing up motorcycles with his friends.

"Ok, we can definitely get a dick joke out of that," I said.

"Better work those exhaust pipes," said bossbro. Nietzsche guy comes back.

"Sounds like some Transformers slash fiction over here," he said.

Really? Transformers slash fiction? At the Bioshock Infinite midnight release?

There's only one place where it's appropriate to talk about Transformers slash fiction: with other people who read Transformers slash fiction. Otherwise, you bury that shit. You bury it good.

You know, I'm not new to this gaming retail game, and I have worked a ton of midnight events. Being hit on and otherwise heckled by drunk midnight release people is something I can handle. Having the whole store discussing the mechanics of furry and/or robot intercourse? Now, that is a new low.    

Around then, one of our part-time people texted me to say he was barfing and might not be able to make his shift the next day.

I told him he was probably experiencing sympathy nausea.