On a related note, every time I go out of my way to be nice to a customer, I get totally shafted.
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
Hell is a pretty crowded place
There's a special place waiting in hell for every person who makes a store open up a sealed product for them, to "look at it," so they can choose not to buy it.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Let me tell you how selling a product works
Once again, a game developer has stumbled out into the internet, trash talking used video game resellers, and generally sounding like a clueless buffoon. Naturally, he's mad at GameStop, because it's the biggest and sexiest target. Everything here applies to other big corporate re-sale stores, like Best Buy and Amazon.
And yes, I'm using GameStop's real name this time, at risk of being attacked by internet trolls, because all this anti-consumer blathering needs to be called out.
Read the comments if you feel like taking in a healthy dose of neckbeard fury.
Now, Ru Weerasuriya, let me, a low-level retail employee with no economics degree, explain to you how your business works.
1. Make a product worth buying.
Ready at Dawn, Mr.Weerasuriya's development studio, does not make bad games, so this isn't really an issue. They're responsible for the God of War titles on the PSP, and the Wii port of Okami. (Remember that their highest rated title is a port for later.)
I mention up front that making a product worth buying is a vital part of the process because the other guy famous for complaining that GameStop is "cannibalizing" the industry is Denis Dyack of Silicon Knights. Sweetie, the reason your company is struggling is that the only games you've put out in the past decade are Too Human and X-Men Destiny, and you got your pants sued off by Epic Games for copyright infringement.
2. Find someone willing to publish your product.
Ready at Dawn is a second-party developer published by Sony Computer Entertainment. They pay Sony to package and advertise their product, and release it on their consoles. Keep in mind that if the game isn't selling, your publisher isn't going to be willing to keep paying to print more copies. (SEE #1: "Make a product worth buying.") Ready at Dawn is fortunate in that their two God of War games have been re-released several times on PSP and PS3, both physically and digitally, so there's still a stream of revenue coming in. You know, because the games are good, and people want to buy them.
You can, of course, skip this step and the following steps by self-publishing, but I'm pretty sure Mr. Weerasuriya doesn't want to give up the money and recognition he gets for making A-list titles like God of War. More on that later.
3. Find someone willing to buy your product.
Did you know, Mr. Weerasuriya, that everything sitting on the shelves at GameStop, or Best Buy, or Target, or God forbid Wal-Mart, is owned by that store? Stores don't "lease" products, consignment style, and send a check to the publisher each time one sells. They buy in bulk.
People who play video games are not your customers. Retailers are your customers.
GameStop buys loads and loads of physical copies of your game from your publisher, and then keeps the meager profit they make from selling them again, to A Video Game Fan. Your continuing sales profits come from retailers ordering more copies of the game.
It should also be noted that GameStop (though Best Buy and Amazon and even Wal-Mart are getting into it now, too) is notorious for pushing pre-sales of new releases. You know, day one sales. The ones that make developers money.
Mr. Weerasuriya tells a charming story about freaking out on some poor GameStop employee who tried to sell him a used copy of a game. I mean, first off, if you hate GameStop so much, why are you shopping there? The developer sees no profit from the sale either way. The money all goes to GameStop regardless, because GameStop already paid for the game. And secondly, I guarantee you that that poor register jockey schmuck was being forced to try to pre-sell full-price copies of that game to everyone who came in the store for months.
Because:
4. Selling new video games is not profitable for retailers.
There's a reason GameStop is the only major video game specialty chain in most parts of the US, and there's a reason they push day one sales of their new stock. The instant that game goes on sale, even $10 off, the retailer is selling it at a loss. Other retailers, like Target or Best Buy, can subsidize their somewhat-less-than-profitable video game department with high margins in other areas, like clothes or food or pretty much anything else. GameStop only sells video games, and video game paraphenalia.
So why are they able to stay in business?
Used game sales.
Used products, accessories, and strategy guides are really the only things GameStop sells that they actually make money on. The figures for game consoles are even worse than the games themselves.
Let me spell this out for you, Mr. Weerasuriya.
The reason GameStop is able to buy your product- to the tune of nearly 50% of the market share for new 360 and PS3 software- is because they make money off of selling your product used. You remove GameStop from the equation, because "wah wah they're profiting from selling our product used wah," developers on the 360 and PS3 immediately lose half of their sales.
That's why, even though these developers whine and moan about used game sales, they're completely unwilling to stop dealing with GameStop.
"Waaahh! GameStop made money off a used sale of my game and I hate them and they're ruining the industry wah wah wah! Here, GameStop, have some awesome preorder bonuses. Please sell our stuff. Please."
There is absolutely no reason to take any of these people seriously.
Now, if you don't want to have to go through a physical retailer to sell your product, there are plenty of ways to do so. Digital distribution through PCs and consoles is on the up, though your product wouldn't be accessible to people without reliable internet. You could throw your support behind the Ouya, a console designed specifically to allow programmers to publish their own games with no licensing fees, or even self-publish on Android and iOS.
Of course, if it did any of these things, then Ready at Dawn would lose its valuable contract with Sony, and no longer be able to make fancy-pants bro games.
The way the industry is set up now, if you want to make big, A-list titles, you have to play nice with GameStop. They are the ones buying your product, and advocating its value to consumers.
Speaking of whom!
I've only been talking about the business side of things, of course, and completely ignoring the most important factor: the people who play the video games. Like me. I am the most important factor.
Which brings us to:
5. Gaming is a really expensive hobby.
Your average person, self included, simply can't afford to pay cash for a ton of new releases every year. Assuming we want to own the game instead of borrowing or renting it, that leaves us with two options: wait to buy the game until it's used or on mega-sale, or magic up some money from somewhere.
GameStop is that magical money generator. GameStop and other corporate resellers provide a service that consumers want.
As my disapproving parents will tell you, I buy a lot of new release video games each year. How can I afford to do that on my meager retail hourly wage?
I use trades.
I trade in the stuff I've already played to get a discount on the new stuff I want. I've traded in stuff to get mega expensive collector's editions. I've traded in stuff to get Steam money and network cards, to buy digital content that doesn't have to share profits with a retailer.
Sure, I could sell my crap myself on Craigslist or eBay, and I have done so, but that's an amount of time and effort that doesn't really seem necessary if I'm not selling something fancy and expensive. GameStop is quick and easy, and you can get the product you're looking to buy all at the same time. GameStop's CEO even went on record saying that 70% of resell credit given out by GameStop is used to buy new products.
More importantly, consumers have the right to resell a physical product that they buy. They don't have the right to copy the content, but the physical game is theirs to do with as they please. The first-sale doctrine is a vital pillar of consumer protections. To make an awesome nerd analogy, these developers are like the Harry Potter goblins who believe that everything belongs to the original creator, no matter how many times it's been gifted or sold.
"Nope, the sword of Godric Gryffindor is definitely still mine, even though one of my ancestors made it specifically to give to Godric Gryffindor a million years ago and we haven't had it since."
Of course, the goblins didn't expect to be given money every time the sword changed hands. Which means that what some of these developers are proposing is even more ridiculous than a fake goblin culture that was designed to seem nonsensical to modern readers.
"You can't make a living at the expense of everybody else," says Mr. Weerasuriya. Remember when I said to remember that Ready at Dawn's highest-rated title is a Wii port of Clover Studio's Okami? Now is the time to remember that, and either giggle, or roll your eyes, or both.
Mr. Weerasuriya, your ideas are bad and you should feel bad.
#dealwithit
And yes, I'm using GameStop's real name this time, at risk of being attacked by internet trolls, because all this anti-consumer blathering needs to be called out.
Read the comments if you feel like taking in a healthy dose of neckbeard fury.
Now, Ru Weerasuriya, let me, a low-level retail employee with no economics degree, explain to you how your business works.
1. Make a product worth buying.
Ready at Dawn, Mr.Weerasuriya's development studio, does not make bad games, so this isn't really an issue. They're responsible for the God of War titles on the PSP, and the Wii port of Okami. (Remember that their highest rated title is a port for later.)
I mention up front that making a product worth buying is a vital part of the process because the other guy famous for complaining that GameStop is "cannibalizing" the industry is Denis Dyack of Silicon Knights. Sweetie, the reason your company is struggling is that the only games you've put out in the past decade are Too Human and X-Men Destiny, and you got your pants sued off by Epic Games for copyright infringement.
2. Find someone willing to publish your product.
Ready at Dawn is a second-party developer published by Sony Computer Entertainment. They pay Sony to package and advertise their product, and release it on their consoles. Keep in mind that if the game isn't selling, your publisher isn't going to be willing to keep paying to print more copies. (SEE #1: "Make a product worth buying.") Ready at Dawn is fortunate in that their two God of War games have been re-released several times on PSP and PS3, both physically and digitally, so there's still a stream of revenue coming in. You know, because the games are good, and people want to buy them.
You can, of course, skip this step and the following steps by self-publishing, but I'm pretty sure Mr. Weerasuriya doesn't want to give up the money and recognition he gets for making A-list titles like God of War. More on that later.
3. Find someone willing to buy your product.
Did you know, Mr. Weerasuriya, that everything sitting on the shelves at GameStop, or Best Buy, or Target, or God forbid Wal-Mart, is owned by that store? Stores don't "lease" products, consignment style, and send a check to the publisher each time one sells. They buy in bulk.
People who play video games are not your customers. Retailers are your customers.
GameStop buys loads and loads of physical copies of your game from your publisher, and then keeps the meager profit they make from selling them again, to A Video Game Fan. Your continuing sales profits come from retailers ordering more copies of the game.
It should also be noted that GameStop (though Best Buy and Amazon and even Wal-Mart are getting into it now, too) is notorious for pushing pre-sales of new releases. You know, day one sales. The ones that make developers money.
Mr. Weerasuriya tells a charming story about freaking out on some poor GameStop employee who tried to sell him a used copy of a game. I mean, first off, if you hate GameStop so much, why are you shopping there? The developer sees no profit from the sale either way. The money all goes to GameStop regardless, because GameStop already paid for the game. And secondly, I guarantee you that that poor register jockey schmuck was being forced to try to pre-sell full-price copies of that game to everyone who came in the store for months.
Because:
4. Selling new video games is not profitable for retailers.
There's a reason GameStop is the only major video game specialty chain in most parts of the US, and there's a reason they push day one sales of their new stock. The instant that game goes on sale, even $10 off, the retailer is selling it at a loss. Other retailers, like Target or Best Buy, can subsidize their somewhat-less-than-profitable video game department with high margins in other areas, like clothes or food or pretty much anything else. GameStop only sells video games, and video game paraphenalia.
So why are they able to stay in business?
Used game sales.
Used products, accessories, and strategy guides are really the only things GameStop sells that they actually make money on. The figures for game consoles are even worse than the games themselves.
Let me spell this out for you, Mr. Weerasuriya.
The reason GameStop is able to buy your product- to the tune of nearly 50% of the market share for new 360 and PS3 software- is because they make money off of selling your product used. You remove GameStop from the equation, because "wah wah they're profiting from selling our product used wah," developers on the 360 and PS3 immediately lose half of their sales.
That's why, even though these developers whine and moan about used game sales, they're completely unwilling to stop dealing with GameStop.
"Waaahh! GameStop made money off a used sale of my game and I hate them and they're ruining the industry wah wah wah! Here, GameStop, have some awesome preorder bonuses. Please sell our stuff. Please."
There is absolutely no reason to take any of these people seriously.
Now, if you don't want to have to go through a physical retailer to sell your product, there are plenty of ways to do so. Digital distribution through PCs and consoles is on the up, though your product wouldn't be accessible to people without reliable internet. You could throw your support behind the Ouya, a console designed specifically to allow programmers to publish their own games with no licensing fees, or even self-publish on Android and iOS.
Of course, if it did any of these things, then Ready at Dawn would lose its valuable contract with Sony, and no longer be able to make fancy-pants bro games.
The way the industry is set up now, if you want to make big, A-list titles, you have to play nice with GameStop. They are the ones buying your product, and advocating its value to consumers.
Speaking of whom!
I've only been talking about the business side of things, of course, and completely ignoring the most important factor: the people who play the video games. Like me. I am the most important factor.
Which brings us to:
5. Gaming is a really expensive hobby.
Your average person, self included, simply can't afford to pay cash for a ton of new releases every year. Assuming we want to own the game instead of borrowing or renting it, that leaves us with two options: wait to buy the game until it's used or on mega-sale, or magic up some money from somewhere.
GameStop is that magical money generator. GameStop and other corporate resellers provide a service that consumers want.
As my disapproving parents will tell you, I buy a lot of new release video games each year. How can I afford to do that on my meager retail hourly wage?
I use trades.
I trade in the stuff I've already played to get a discount on the new stuff I want. I've traded in stuff to get mega expensive collector's editions. I've traded in stuff to get Steam money and network cards, to buy digital content that doesn't have to share profits with a retailer.
Sure, I could sell my crap myself on Craigslist or eBay, and I have done so, but that's an amount of time and effort that doesn't really seem necessary if I'm not selling something fancy and expensive. GameStop is quick and easy, and you can get the product you're looking to buy all at the same time. GameStop's CEO even went on record saying that 70% of resell credit given out by GameStop is used to buy new products.
More importantly, consumers have the right to resell a physical product that they buy. They don't have the right to copy the content, but the physical game is theirs to do with as they please. The first-sale doctrine is a vital pillar of consumer protections. To make an awesome nerd analogy, these developers are like the Harry Potter goblins who believe that everything belongs to the original creator, no matter how many times it's been gifted or sold.
"Nope, the sword of Godric Gryffindor is definitely still mine, even though one of my ancestors made it specifically to give to Godric Gryffindor a million years ago and we haven't had it since."
Of course, the goblins didn't expect to be given money every time the sword changed hands. Which means that what some of these developers are proposing is even more ridiculous than a fake goblin culture that was designed to seem nonsensical to modern readers.
"You can't make a living at the expense of everybody else," says Mr. Weerasuriya. Remember when I said to remember that Ready at Dawn's highest-rated title is a Wii port of Clover Studio's Okami? Now is the time to remember that, and either giggle, or roll your eyes, or both.
Mr. Weerasuriya, your ideas are bad and you should feel bad.
#dealwithit
Thursday, July 25, 2013
STATUS: Confused
There is a man in the PS3 section holding two industrial-size plastic bags of popcorn.
He should be BFFs with the guy who brought the bag of live crickets.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
No, seriously, causing a scene is great
A guy just called me because he currently doesn't have internet and he's having trouble playing a Steam game offline. While I was trying to Google a phone number for him to call, he swore at me for ten minutes about how stupid Steam was for not having a phone number.
"I don't work for Steam," I finally shot back. "I'm literally just trying to Google an answer for you on my phone." He shut up.
I'm so tired, loyal readers.
I know what you should do! Cause a scene!
We just got one of those people.
"I need to return this." She handed us a game and a receipt. Luckily, bossbro had to deal with this woman.
"Would you like to pick out something else, or would you like me to put the money back on your card?"
"I want a refund."
"Ok, I'll just need to see the card."
"I don't have it. It's my husband's card."
"We can't do a credit card transaction without the card present."
"I HAVE WORKED RETAIL MY WHOLE LIFE AND NO OTHER STORE HAS THIS POLICY."
That is incorrect. I'm guessing this lady is a Wal-Mart lifer. Wal-Mart doesn't have any policies for anything.
"Every retail job I've ever had has required that the physical card be present for a refund," I deadpanned. And let me tell you, I've had a lot of fucking retail jobs.
"NO, HONEY. I'VE WORKED RETAIL MY WHOLE LIFE."
Then shouldn't you know that causing a scene is going to accomplish absolutely nothing, that we're going to still refuse to do your shitty return, and that we're then going to make fun of you in the store and on the internet? Your condescension is noted, though.
Yesterday I had a guy complain that video game stores are the only places that check his ID when he uses his credit card.
"Because we're small specialty stores, so we can't afford to eat the losses from credit card fraud that Wal-Mart can," I explained, barely suppressing an eye roll. Nor do we have the infrastructure to look up purchases by credit card number, which is why we can't do refunds without a card present. We don't save your credit card information in the store. Would you like us to save your credit card information in the store, ma'am?
I plan my purchases, and only buy things I intend to keep. I wish I were the rule and not the exception.
Tuesday, July 16, 2013
Doctor visits
A while back, I was having a gyno exam.
(Yes, I am a Responsible Adult who gets her junk checked out when she's sexually active. I promise that's not what the post is about. Bear with me, here.)
I was having my unmentionables checked as part of a general physical, so I was with my primary care physician. As she's you-know-whating my you-know-what, things got awkward, like they always do. Without even thinking, I blurted out:
"I'm sure this is exactly why you wanted to be a doctor. You know, it's such a glamor profession."
She burst out laughing.
"Oh, god, no," she laughed. "This is nothing. I could never be an eye doctor. I hate poking around people's eyes."
Fast forward several months, and I'm at the optometrist. We're making small talk.
"Last time I was getting a physical, my doctor and I were talking about what kind of doctor we could never be. She said she'd never want to be an eye doctor, because she thinks eyes are gross."
"I actually saw a bunch of funny videos someone made about a bunch of different professions," he said. "The doctor one was great. You know, the mom shows up at 11 when her appointment was at 10:30, and she wants to know why the doctor's not ready for her, and we'd better hurry up because Timmy has to be at practice by 11:30, and then she refuses to pay the copay, because she insists her husband gets professional courtesy because he's a doctor, too. Of philosophy."
"Yeah, that sounds exactly like the people we get at my crummy retail job," I said.
"Really?"
"Oh, yeah. Why don't I get a discount, and why are you closed, and why can't I wait in the car while my 5-year-old buys Grand Theft Auto, and can't you just spot me five bucks. All the time."
He was boggled.
"People act the same way at the video game store," he said.
"Yep. I mean, I'm sure it's the same people who act like jerks at the doctor's office, but yeah. We literally sell fun, so it makes no sense to me."
"That's just... wow. We're always getting people who don't show up for appointments and then demand for refunds outside of the refund window. I mean, we give you all the paperwork up front."
"Oh, I couldn't make it during the return period because we were on vacation in Aruba. Like you really need those forty bucks back, lady."
"Right!?"
Shitty customers, man. Bringin' people together.
(Yes, I am a Responsible Adult who gets her junk checked out when she's sexually active. I promise that's not what the post is about. Bear with me, here.)
I was having my unmentionables checked as part of a general physical, so I was with my primary care physician. As she's you-know-whating my you-know-what, things got awkward, like they always do. Without even thinking, I blurted out:
"I'm sure this is exactly why you wanted to be a doctor. You know, it's such a glamor profession."
She burst out laughing.
"Oh, god, no," she laughed. "This is nothing. I could never be an eye doctor. I hate poking around people's eyes."
Fast forward several months, and I'm at the optometrist. We're making small talk.
"Last time I was getting a physical, my doctor and I were talking about what kind of doctor we could never be. She said she'd never want to be an eye doctor, because she thinks eyes are gross."
"I actually saw a bunch of funny videos someone made about a bunch of different professions," he said. "The doctor one was great. You know, the mom shows up at 11 when her appointment was at 10:30, and she wants to know why the doctor's not ready for her, and we'd better hurry up because Timmy has to be at practice by 11:30, and then she refuses to pay the copay, because she insists her husband gets professional courtesy because he's a doctor, too. Of philosophy."
"Yeah, that sounds exactly like the people we get at my crummy retail job," I said.
"Really?"
"Oh, yeah. Why don't I get a discount, and why are you closed, and why can't I wait in the car while my 5-year-old buys Grand Theft Auto, and can't you just spot me five bucks. All the time."
He was boggled.
"People act the same way at the video game store," he said.
"Yep. I mean, I'm sure it's the same people who act like jerks at the doctor's office, but yeah. We literally sell fun, so it makes no sense to me."
"That's just... wow. We're always getting people who don't show up for appointments and then demand for refunds outside of the refund window. I mean, we give you all the paperwork up front."
"Oh, I couldn't make it during the return period because we were on vacation in Aruba. Like you really need those forty bucks back, lady."
"Right!?"
Shitty customers, man. Bringin' people together.
This is news to no one who's been paying attention
Turns out, it's basically impossible for someone to survive on minimum wage. I think my favorite is that this spreadsheet is for McDonald's employees to use to budget their peasant wages, but the budget includes income from a second job.
Really, bro?
I make above minimum wage, but only because I'm a manager. I'm almost 25, and my parents still pay for my insurance and my phone. And then, of course, my job cut my hours down to less than 30 a week, because they were worried they might have to pay for health insurance for me.
When I confronted my district manager about it, he told me it was Obama's fault, and that I was welcome to look for a second job.
True story.
Really, bro?
I make above minimum wage, but only because I'm a manager. I'm almost 25, and my parents still pay for my insurance and my phone. And then, of course, my job cut my hours down to less than 30 a week, because they were worried they might have to pay for health insurance for me.
When I confronted my district manager about it, he told me it was Obama's fault, and that I was welcome to look for a second job.
True story.
Sunday, July 14, 2013
One more step towards the Video Game Olympics
Apparently, the United States government is recognizing professional League of Legends players as athletes, for the purpose of obtaining visas to participate in competitions here in the States. I wouldn't consider video games a "sport" in the traditional sense, but since we don't have a great legal framework yet for international gaming competitions, I'd say this is a good stopgap measure.
It also led me to search for how you obtain a visa for a chess competition, since those have been going on for forever. Generally, for the U.S. at least, it seems like you're just expected to get a regular old travel visa. But, lo and behold, chess is a recognized sport of the International Olympic Committee.
This entire post is only here so I can tell everyone that my dad is a professional athlete.
It also led me to search for how you obtain a visa for a chess competition, since those have been going on for forever. Generally, for the U.S. at least, it seems like you're just expected to get a regular old travel visa. But, lo and behold, chess is a recognized sport of the International Olympic Committee.
This entire post is only here so I can tell everyone that my dad is a professional athlete.
Retail tech support
If you are having an issue with your electronic device, do not call the retailer you bought it from for tech support. You're just wasting everyone's time. Here's a conversation I just had, here at my job where I am currently located.
"Thank you for calling [Store], this is [Miss Blog Lady]."
"I'm having a problem with my 360, can you help me?"
"We don't offer repair services, but I can give you Microsoft's support number."
"Well, just tell me if you've ever heard of this happening before."
What followed- what always follows- was a long-winded incoherent description of some mechanical failure I know nothing about. If the question is something like "I forget how to sync my controller," then sure, I can help you. But am I able to explain any sort of change in system settings, perfectly, from memory, in a way that is understandable for your stupid ass? Nope.
I mean, do I look like Google to you?
"No, I've never heard of that problem before," I said when he was finally finished. "But I can give you Microsoft's support number."
"I don't wanna call them," he complained.
Well then, apparently you don't want to get your Xbox fixed.
Thursday, July 4, 2013
MUSIC SCHOOL!
Avid followers of the life and times of Miss Blog Lady may be aware that I am, in fact, a music student, at a reasonably reputable university. Or at least, I was. I'm done with the music part of my degree, thank God.
Music school is terrible and you should not go to there. Pick a different dream. No, seriously.
Today, at work with ladyboss, we were playing Animal Crossing, because of course we were. I went to change my town tune.
"Do the Zelda theme," she said. I did a version of it, but it doesn't really fit into the format Animal Crossing gives us without changing the rhythm and making it sound wrong.
"Do the Mario theme," she said.
"Well, I can't do the Mario theme proper because there's accidentals and they only give you a C major scale in the game, but I can do the intro, or other parts of it," I said.
"I don't know what any of that means, but it sounds neat."
Transcribing music has always come so naturally to me that I'm totally that douche who genuinely forgets that other people can't do this stuff. Maybe I should start checking my Musician Privilege. (And no, I do not have perfect pitch, for the people who know what that is and are wondering.)
Regardless, here are some OFFICIAL BLOG LADY ANIMAL CROSSING TRANSCRIPTIONS.
Want to have the Mario theme as your town tune? Well, here it is:
Or how about the Metroid theme? You know, the one that plays while you're stepping out of your save pod thingy.
Or the Kirby theme:
Or the Pokémon Center jingle:
How about Saria's Song?
Feeling festive? We've got Jingle Bells:
You can buddy up with someone in another town to get both halves of the phrase:
It is America's birthday. Why not the national anthem?
We've got an only slightly crunched version of the Star Wars theme:
And then the Jurassic Park theme:
We can even branch into pop music. Like the chorus of Justin Bieber's OMG hit single, Somebody to Love:
And, at last, the song I decided was going to be come the new Balsaq town tune. Bragging rights if you can tell what it is:
Send in the requests, loyal readers! If it's in simple meter and it fits into either a major or natural minor scale, I can put that shit into Animal Crossing.
I'd say "thank God I went to music school," but I could do this before going to music school.
No, for real. Fuck music school.
Music school is terrible and you should not go to there. Pick a different dream. No, seriously.
Today, at work with ladyboss, we were playing Animal Crossing, because of course we were. I went to change my town tune.
"Do the Zelda theme," she said. I did a version of it, but it doesn't really fit into the format Animal Crossing gives us without changing the rhythm and making it sound wrong.
"Do the Mario theme," she said.
"Well, I can't do the Mario theme proper because there's accidentals and they only give you a C major scale in the game, but I can do the intro, or other parts of it," I said.
"I don't know what any of that means, but it sounds neat."
Transcribing music has always come so naturally to me that I'm totally that douche who genuinely forgets that other people can't do this stuff. Maybe I should start checking my Musician Privilege. (And no, I do not have perfect pitch, for the people who know what that is and are wondering.)
Regardless, here are some OFFICIAL BLOG LADY ANIMAL CROSSING TRANSCRIPTIONS.
Want to have the Mario theme as your town tune? Well, here it is:
Or how about the Metroid theme? You know, the one that plays while you're stepping out of your save pod thingy.
Or the Kirby theme:
Or the Pokémon Center jingle:
How about Saria's Song?
Feeling festive? We've got Jingle Bells:
You can buddy up with someone in another town to get both halves of the phrase:
It is America's birthday. Why not the national anthem?
We've got an only slightly crunched version of the Star Wars theme:
And then the Jurassic Park theme:
We can even branch into pop music. Like the chorus of Justin Bieber's OMG hit single, Somebody to Love:
And, at last, the song I decided was going to be come the new Balsaq town tune. Bragging rights if you can tell what it is:
Send in the requests, loyal readers! If it's in simple meter and it fits into either a major or natural minor scale, I can put that shit into Animal Crossing.
I'd say "thank God I went to music school," but I could do this before going to music school.
No, for real. Fuck music school.
Happy 4th of July!
I, of course, will be at work all day, because nothing is more American than the American consumer machine. THE COMPULSION TO BUY USELESS CRAP STOPS FOR NO HOLIDAY.
I'm wearing a cute red and blue dress for the holiday, but I didn't shave my legs, because that's what freedom means to me.
I'm wearing a cute red and blue dress for the holiday, but I didn't shave my legs, because that's what freedom means to me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)