Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Reading is fundamental

In my store, we have an "Under $10" section for the Xbox 360 games. Unfortunately, we have too many busted old 360 games, so the wall section filled up and overflowed into what we in the biz refer to as a "dump bin."

A guy was standing in the middle of the Under $10 section, right in between the dump bin and the wall.

"Hey," he yelled. "Do you have an "Under $10" section?"

"You're standing on top of it," I said. "You're literally surrounded by it."

"Oh." He looked down, and immediately grabbed Defiance, of all things. "Is this game any good?"

"....no."

New blog catchphrase

Found this gem on the Facebooks today:


[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A Facebook conversation with pictures, names, and places blocked out.

A: When did killing dragons go from this [screenshot from Super Mario World] to this [screenshot from Skyrim]?

B: [A], those are dinosaurs... Do u even lore bro ] 

DO U EVEN LORE BRO.

NO FINER WORDS HAVE EVER BEEN WRITTEN IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

I finally have a quick retort for when literally anybody tries to argue with me about Zelda minutiae.

"Wait, so there's actually a Zelda timeline?"

"Do u even lore, bro?"

"So, it is always the same Link, or what?"

"I said, do u even lore, bro?"

"Well, the Zelda has to be the same, right?"

"UMM DO U EVEN LORE BRO."

If I weren't too lazy to find and paste a gold star graphic onto the image up there, B would be getting our first-ever Greetings from the Shallow End of the Video Game Industry gold star.

B, you are an internet hero.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

PS4s: An Ongoing Saga

The only thing more annoying than the swarm of PS4 people calling when we don't have any PS4s is the swarm of people calling when we do have PS4s in stock.

Allow me to explain.

None of these people can afford to buy a fucking PS4. You tell them we have some, and it's always:

"Oh, how much does it cost?"

Followed by one of two things:

"OMG THAT IS TOO EXPENSIVE FORGET IT"

or

"Do you think you'll have any when I get paid on [date]?"

WHY ARE YOU CALLING AROUND ASKING FOR A PS4 IF YOU'RE NOT PLANNING ON BUYING ONE TODAY!?

STOP WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME.

Whoops!

I accidentally opened the store two minutes early.

Don't tell the public I've gone soft.

Monday, January 13, 2014

Tablets

It is semi-widely known that selling electronics is not profitable at all, mostly because huge swaths of The Public are technologically illiterate, and as such, either return everything they buy because it "doesn't work" or just become high-maintenance thorns in the retailer's side. Tablets generally can't be resold after they've been returned, so unless the manufacturer has a deal allowing the retailer to return returned tablets, the retailer just has to eat a several-hundred-dollar loss.

Now, somewhere like The Apple Store that's selling their own products can afford to also have tech support and how-to classes- services that are built in to the iPad's high price. Somewhere like Target or Wal-Mart, however, has no post-sale tech support for tablets.

My store falls in the "no support for tablets" category, and people are trying to return them as defective all the time.

The most dramatic example of this is my new best friend Kindle Lady, who has returned no fewer than four Kindles in the past two weeks.

My store sells refurbished Kindles. Kindle Lady ordered four of them for her kids from our website. She of course bought the cheapest model, because she either didn't know there was more than one model of Kindle, or didn't read any of the product descriptions.

She got sent original-model Kindles, and came into the store all flustered because she wanted "the ones with the cameras on them."

"Ok," we said. "That's the Kindle Fire HD, and costs more money."

"That's fine. Oh, and these two won't hold a charge." It didn't matter that she said they were broken because she was returning them anyway, so we did the swap and ordered two Kindle Fire HDs to be sent to her house.

She came back in a week.

"THEY SENT ME ANOTHER BROKEN TABLET," she said. "IT WON'T CHARGE AT ALL." At this point, I'm wondering whether she's just handing them off to her kids and assuming they don't work when the kids can't figure them out. So after doing her exchange- corporate gave her a $20 off coupon for her "trouble"- I plugged in the Kindle.

It powered on and prompted me to set up an account. So, she was telling the truth that she / her kid couldn't get it to turn on, but the issue was simply that the battery was dead and she hadn't let it charge enough.

Luckily, my store only sells used tablets, so the functional ones she returned can just be repackaged and resold. If we'd been selling them new, however, the company would have either lost several hundred dollars outright because this woman didn't know anything about Kindles, or simply denied all her returns, resulting in an angry customer trolling the internet about how terrible we are, which she's probably doing anyway, because we totally ruined Christmas. 

Short version: I hate selling consumer electronics.

No receipt, no refund... an ongoing saga

My store doesn't do cash refunds without a receipt. Period. If you cannot prove that you bought the item with cash, then you don't get cash back. I really don't understand how this is so difficult for everyone, especially since many of these people buy things with THE FULL INTENTION of returning them a few days later, so why wouldn't you keep the damn receipt!? But I digress.

Some lady came in a couple days after Christmas trying to get cash back for a game. We gave her the usual spiel about how we can't do cash refunds without a receipt, but she was welcome to exchange it for another game. Things escalated quickly.

"WELL, THIS IS SOME GREAT FUCKING CUSTOMER SERVICE," she screamed as she flounced to the door.

"I'M GOING TO TEAR APART MY HOUSE AND FIND THAT RECEIPT AND MAKE YOU GIVE ME MY MONEY BACK."

"Please do," said the Veteran. "If you have the receipt, there's no problem."

"MERRY CHRISTMAS," she yelled, and then- wait for it- she broke the door.

She slammed the door so hard that it broke.

Fortunately, the glass wasn't broken, just the pump that stops it from slamming shut. We only had to suffer through one or two days of the door slamming every time someone used it before it was fixed.

Unfortunately, she never did show up with the receipt, so we never got to go all "Oh heeey, we have you on camera breaking our door! This is me calling the cops! MERRY CHRISTMAS LOL!"

And really, since when does "customer service" entail giving free cash to random members of the public? Need I remind everybody, again, that Buying Stuff is not the same as Putting Your Money In The Bank? And that you don't get to withdraw Money from your Stuff whenever you want?

WHY.

Lies and the lying liars who lie

I don't believe a single customer has ever told me the truth. I've collected four particularly egregious examples from the past month, and combined them into one sexy mega-post, with a numbered list.

I'm basically amazing.

Parental controls?

A mom asked me if it were possible to turn off the swearing in Grand Theft Auto V.

"Um, it might be," I said. "But that's kind of like tossing your coffee onto a bonfire."

I AM ALIVE

As a direct result of THE CHRISTMASPOCALYPSE, I have not blogged for almost a month. But never fear! I survived Christmas, am close to surviving the Christmas returns period, and am very much alive.

Also, I graduated from college, so I'm Bachelor Blog Lady now. 

Luckily, lots of entertaining things happened while I was away, so prepare yourself for a bunch of hilarious blog posts. Hooray!

BLOG LADY OUT