Conversations with Bossbro

Bossbro, naturally, is the only one in my store who bought Grand Theft Auto V. He also stayed up all night playing it, because duh.

"So, I got to take Chop for a walk," he said. Chop is the dog on the cover. "And while you're doing that, you can switch to Chop's point of view. So I'm in first person doggie view, and halfway through the walk, I just veer off and start humping this other dog. I got to watch first-person dog humping."

"And you liked it," I said.

"No! It was super weird."

"So, it was weird because you liked it?"

"Franklin pulls Chop off the other dog, and he's like "Come on, man! That's not even a girl dog!" so I got a first person view of some gay dog sex."

"And you liked it," I said.

"No!"

I didn't get a lot of sleep last night.

Also, an observation

There were over a hundred people at my store tonight picking up Grand Theft Auto.

As far as I saw, only one was a woman picking up the game for herself.

Naturally, the fact that women, such as myself, are not buying Grand Theft Auto in large, visible numbers will be taken as evidence that women "don't like hardcore video games," despite the fact that the Grand Theft Auto franchise is notoriously hostile to women.

I look forward to the weeks ahead, wherein dudebros will be constantly asking if I'm playing GTA V, and then asking the inevitable follow-up question:

"God, why do you work here? Do you even play video games?"

I play lots of video games. I just try to avoid the ones that shit all over people who look like me.

GTA V midnight release aftermath madness

Surprisingly normal, with no little kids bragging about how they were being allowed to stay home from school to play the game. (Apparently all the Parents-of-the-Year save that privilege for Call of Duty.)

The only real issue we had was that our state increased sales tax this month, so everyone who full-paid the game before September 1st owed an extra fifteen cents.

Most people were cool about it. One guy even left all his change behind to help other people out. (Thanks, guy! You're all right.) But then, as it always happens, we get this one douchebag who just won't let it go.

"I PAID FOR THIS FIVE MONTHS AGO," he said. "YOU CAN'T CHARGE ME EXTRA TAX."

"Well, you weren't actually buying a product until literally right now," I said. "You just put a deposit down that covered the former cost of sales tax. That changed, so you have to pay the difference."

"I PAID FOR THIS FIVE MONTHS AGO," he said.

"No, you just put a deposit down."

"I PAID FOR THIS FIVE MONTHS AGO. YOU CAN'T CHARGE ME TAX. ARGLE BLARGLE."

It was a collector's edition game and and guide that he had preordered, so he owed about a dollar, which he finally coughed up when he realized I wasn't particularly sympathetic to his brilliant tax-dodging plan.

We also get a lot of people who insist on buying things online so they "won't have to pay tax." Most states seemed to have caught up with that- I know I have to pay sales tax on online purchases here, even for game downloads. And even if you don't pay taxes through the seller, you're still supposed to declare your purchases to the government, because not paying your taxes is a crime.

"Bye! Have fun getting audited!" - Things I'm not allowed to say

If I never have to explain sales tax to anyone ever again, I could die happy.

SEE ALSO: This guy.

Technically, manager isn't in my job title

Here I am, eating lunch, minding my own business, when The Veteran comes back with the phone, because someone insisted on speaking to a manager.

"Thank you for calling [Store], this is [Miss Blog Lady]," I say politely.

"MY NAME IS [BOB]," the guy says urgently. "ONLY A MANAGER CAN HELP ME."

"Ok," I say. 

"I BOUGHT A GIFT CARD BUT I ACCIDENTALLY WROTE THE WRONG NAME ON IT. IF I BRING THE CARD IN, CAN I GET A NEW GIFT CARD!?"

For the record, that is not even a slightly complicated problem to fix. It's a transaction that anyone could do after working in any store for twenty minutes, tops.

"Sure, no problem," I say.

"OHMYGOSHTHANKYOU," says [Bob], and he hangs up.

Truly, this day have I used my managerial powers for good.

I'm a rebel

I put the F7 keys back on the keyboards.

Don't tell ladyboss.

Sunday

A mom is in here with a little kid who won't stop singing the Mario theme. They're looking for a case for the kid's DS. The mom just came up to the register with all of our DS cases.

"I just wanted to look at these up here so you'd know I wasn't trying to steal anything," she said.

Then she opened up the packaging for every single case, dumped them out all over the counter, and started rifling through them.

Like Blog Lady, like Kitten

Here's a shot of my precious baby kitten watching me play Borderlands 2:

All my favorite things in one photo!

 
She likes the elemental weapons best because of the bright colors. She also seems to enjoy explosions.

That screenshot is from the main dungeon from Tiny Tina's Assault on Dragon's Keep, which every single person should play because of the hi-larious D&D jokes.

For realsies.