Friday, February 14, 2014

Retail solidarity

I am at the airport. I realized I don't have any earbuds, so I stopped into one of the stores to get some. They were doing a fundraiser where you could buy a phone card to send to soldiers overseas.

"Sure," I said. "That sounds nice." The register jockey was surprised and delighted.

"I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR SO LONG FOR SOMEONE TO SAY YES," she said.

There is nothing more disheartening than soliciting donations at a retailer. We were doing one dollar donations for a research hospital over Christmas, and while the company did raise a lot of money, many people would throw a fit and shout things like "THAT HOSPITAL SHOULD GIVE *ME* A DOLLAR." Umm... why? For being an asshole? Not everyone has a dollar to spare, but that doesn't mean you have to be a jerk to cancer patients.

Speaking of jerks, the guy in front of me at Starbucks just now made the "IF IT DOESN'T SCAN IT MUST BE FREE LOL" joke.

Fuck that guy.

Saturday, February 8, 2014

I'm tired of explaining how electronics work to people

So, some dude was complaining about some game that's on PS4 but not PS3 blah blah blah yawn.

"MAN, THEY'RE JUST TRYING TO FORCE YOU TO BUY THE NEW SYSTEM."

"Well, no one wants to develop for an outdated system." I didn't go out of my way this time to explain the concepts of "resource management" and "marketability," like I have to for the Wiiple.

"THE PS3 WAS BRAND NEW LAST YEAR!"

False.

"The PS3 came out in 2006."

"WELL, WE JUST GOT OURS IN 2010."

I should note here that 2010 was not "last year."

"HOW LONG DO YOU THINK IT'LL BE BEFORE THERE'S A PS5? TWO YEARS?"

Nor is it two years ago.

At this point, I've started just walking away from people who want to whine at me about the PS4. In particular, the whiners about backwards compatibility.

Hey, guess what, whiners! Sony tried making a backwards compatible current-gen system. It's called the first generation PS3. You know why they took it out? Because sales for the first-gen PS3 were terrible, because the system was too expensive. If they had made a backwards-compatible PS4, you'd be in here right now complaining at me about how for that price, a gaming system should come with a car.

If you want to play PS3 games, keep your PS3. I mean, I have six systems hooked up to my TV, and I turned out ok.

...

Why is everybody looking at me like that? 

Bravely Default is here!

HOORAY!

A picture of my cat, posed with my copy of Bravely Default. She's very photogenic.

Everyone at the store has been playing the Bravely Default demo for weeks, because we're those sorts of people. We've also been telling everyone to pre-order it, because both Nintendo handheld releases and JRPG* releases in general are usually a nightmare of underavailability.

I still have lingering trauma from the Fire Emblem: Awakening release.

Anyway, I wasn't working today, so I made a super special trip to the store to pick up my reserved copy. Sure enough, the store was already sold out, because we only got enough copies to cover our reserves. As I was standing in the store, a frumpy JRPG nerd stomped up to the register.

"DO YOU HAVE BRAVELY DEFAULT!?"

"No," said bossbro. "We can order it for you, or you can download it from the eShop."

Frumpy JRPG nerd stomped his way back out of the store.

What follows is an open message to my fellow JRPG people:

Hey, ladies and dudes. You know how every time a new JRPG comes out, none of the stores have it in stock? That's because demand for these games is super low.

STOP WHINING ABOUT IT AND DO SOMETHING INSTEAD.

The stock that stores order for low-demand games is directly based on the number of reserves they get for it. My store was the only one of my chain in the entire district that got any copies of the new Project Diva game, because we were the only store that had reserves on it.

We had one reserve. We got two copies. The second one sold to a walk-in on launch day, and I haven't seen another copy since.

And don't give me any of that crap about "WELL, I WASN'T PLANNING ON GETTING IT" or "WELL, I'M JUST MAKING AN IMPULSE BUY." If you went out to buy it on the release day, then it wasn't "an impulse buy," and you are a dirty, dirty liar.

If you want more Japanese games to come to the United States, and in greater numbers, you need to commit to buying them on launch day.

Now, I know not everyone can afford to buy launch-day games. This rant is not for you. This rant is for the swarm of people I see every launch day who refuse to commit even one day ahead of time to buying a game on day one, even though they were clearly planning on doing so anyway, and complain when we don't have a pile of extra copies waiting for them.

Every retailer does pre-orders now, as do the manufacturers, typically. It's not like you don't still have a choice of whom to give your money dollars to. Most places (Amazon, StameGop) don't charge extra for pre-orders, either.

PRE-ORDER YOUR SHIT instead of complaining to me about lack of availability, for a market the manufacturers didn't know existed. With the onset of downloadable games, manufacturers have basically no reason to print physical copies at all outside of consumer demand. It's still hard to find physical copies of Fire Emblem, a year after launch. Hakuoki: Memories of the Shinsengumi barely had a physical launch at all.

I'm sure Bravely Default will be the same way. 

*Today, someone asked me what "JRPG" stands for, and I said "Japanese RPG." Then Ladyboss stepped in and added "...role-playing game." I forgot to translate that part. Whoooops.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Reading is fundamental

In my store, we have an "Under $10" section for the Xbox 360 games. Unfortunately, we have too many busted old 360 games, so the wall section filled up and overflowed into what we in the biz refer to as a "dump bin."

A guy was standing in the middle of the Under $10 section, right in between the dump bin and the wall.

"Hey," he yelled. "Do you have an "Under $10" section?"

"You're standing on top of it," I said. "You're literally surrounded by it."

"Oh." He looked down, and immediately grabbed Defiance, of all things. "Is this game any good?"

"....no."

New blog catchphrase

Found this gem on the Facebooks today:


[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A Facebook conversation with pictures, names, and places blocked out.

A: When did killing dragons go from this [screenshot from Super Mario World] to this [screenshot from Skyrim]?

B: [A], those are dinosaurs... Do u even lore bro ] 

DO U EVEN LORE BRO.

NO FINER WORDS HAVE EVER BEEN WRITTEN IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

I finally have a quick retort for when literally anybody tries to argue with me about Zelda minutiae.

"Wait, so there's actually a Zelda timeline?"

"Do u even lore, bro?"

"So, it is always the same Link, or what?"

"I said, do u even lore, bro?"

"Well, the Zelda has to be the same, right?"

"UMM DO U EVEN LORE BRO."

If I weren't too lazy to find and paste a gold star graphic onto the image up there, B would be getting our first-ever Greetings from the Shallow End of the Video Game Industry gold star.

B, you are an internet hero.

Thursday, January 23, 2014

PS4s: An Ongoing Saga

The only thing more annoying than the swarm of PS4 people calling when we don't have any PS4s is the swarm of people calling when we do have PS4s in stock.

Allow me to explain.

None of these people can afford to buy a fucking PS4. You tell them we have some, and it's always:

"Oh, how much does it cost?"

Followed by one of two things:

"OMG THAT IS TOO EXPENSIVE FORGET IT"

or

"Do you think you'll have any when I get paid on [date]?"

WHY ARE YOU CALLING AROUND ASKING FOR A PS4 IF YOU'RE NOT PLANNING ON BUYING ONE TODAY!?

STOP WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME.

Whoops!

I accidentally opened the store two minutes early.

Don't tell the public I've gone soft.