Style Savvy and the human condition

My favorite part of Style Savvy: Trendsetters is that your boring lookalike customers all have a one sentence blurb about them that's completely nonsensical.  I like to imagine that the writing staff got balls drunk together at the most awesome party ever, then just started shouting random factoids about themselves and writing them down. Maybe they knew how bad the game was and did it for the lols. Maybe it was all a protest against how generic the characters and dialogue are. Maybe it's an elaborate statement on the human condition in the world of Twitter and Facebook, where people really are summarized by their own tiny blurbs.

There's no way of knowing.

All of them are weirdly specific, but most of them are pretty standard ("Likes things that smell like lavender," "travels to Europe to buy designer clothes," and so on.)

"Dennis collects ugly modern art pieces for the shock value." They spelled "is a dirty hipster with too much disposable income" wrong.

Some, though, are just completely bizarre.

I'm guessing there was a lot of food at that party, because a lot are based on weird food preferences:

"Melisandra thinks cooked egg whites are too tasteless and rubbery."

"Alena prefers breath mints to gum after eating lots of onions."

"Jasna drinks juice at restaurants, but out of teacups, to disguise it."

"Naomi became a vegetarian on a dare. She hates vegetables."

"Janet will eat anything lemon flavored- but not lemons."

"Wendy likes fish sticks, and she's not apologizing for that."

Does Alena eat "lots of onions" regularly? Why doesn't Naomi just stop being vegetarian? And we're ok with your fish sticks, Wendy! You eat those fish sticks and you love them.

There are a couple trying to condition the girls who play this game to want to have sex with geeks when they're older:

"Gina has a weakness for guys at school who wear glasses."

"Karen secretly likes it when guys talk about nerdy stuff."

Both of those apply to me. Fellas, just pop on your specs and come talk to me about Final Fantasy. I'm totally into it.

A large number are about cats:

"Yvonne laughs when she sees a cat on a leash looking irritated."

"Muriel feeds all the stray cats in the neighborhood."

"Tanita volunteers at a shelter for stray cats, but is allergic to them."   

"Aster can't help but buy anything with a cute cat on it."

 "Camille talks to her cats in wacky cartoon voices. They listen."

 "Alistair is secretly in love with websites about silly cat tricks."

It's ok- we can say LOLcats here. Alistair secretly loves LOLcats. Tell everyone.

Then we get some really strange double-take facts mixed in. Like, "Wait, what? Do I really want this person shopping in my store if the only thing I know about her is that her entire family are all carnies? Or that guy, who's obsessed with "polishing" his "baseball glove" every night? Why does he call it his "baseball glove"?"

 "Ruth believes owls are a symbol of mystical and ancient wisdom."

"Carmen has never been late and owns no clocks. She's secretly magic."

"Millie names her pets after celebrities she has crushes on."

"Sarita is a psychic with a quirky life. Ready the sitcom contracts."

 "Philip polishes his prized baseball glove before bed every night."

 "Kayley has a unicorn collection that no one has ever seen."

 "Magdelena talks to her garden plants when she feels stressed."

 "Selene comes from a long line of traveling circus clowns." 

 "Snow's hobbies are weird and strange to everyone but her."

I want to know what Snow's hobbies are, if public opinion in this town has decided that they're weirder than naming your cat Jeff Goldblum or collecting imaginary unicorns. Actually, no. I don't want to know what Snow's hobbies are, because they're probably gross and illegal.

On the one hand, I feel like it would be fun to play this game with my real customers, but on the other hand, I feel like it would be way too easy. "Plays nothing but Call of Duty, but tells everyone he's a huge gamer nerd." "Doesn't know how the internet works." "Does a lot of meth." "Wants to have sex with me." "Has trained himself not to be able to hear retail employees." "Hasn't cleaned his apartment in eighteen months."

"Polishes his prized baseball glove before bed every night."