Today is my mom's 60th birthday

Since we've established that I got the gamer gene from my father, astute and interested readers may be wondering what I inherited from my mother.

ANSWER: My mom is an artist!

But, you know, a real one. With degrees and everything. As opposed to a dry erase board one.

My mom can make literally anything you could come up with using some combination of paint, fabric, thread, yarn, cardboard, and common household materials. (She can even make her own clothes! And they're sexy!) I mean, check out this painting she did of the entrance to my first apartment:

A painting of my first apartment. MATERIALS: Watercolors, motherly love

"Wow," you might be saying. "What a cute little first apartment." FALSE. My first apartment was a total shithole. The entrance was on the side of a decrepit old house on a college campus. All that concrete you're seeing was a creepy alleyway filled with old plastic chairs. For fuck's sake, the fire escape was directly above the door, and she even left that part in. But here it looks so cute! Because my mom has magical powers.

Every creative impulse I have comes from my mom. She's even the one who wanted me to start a gamer blog. Well, technically, she wanted me to write a book, and told me not to "waste my talent on the internet." But hey, if I did everything my mom told me to, my life would look pretty different. 

One thing (of many) my mom and I really don't see eye-to-eye on is video games, despite the fact that my parents have spent thousands of dollars on them by this point. That's ok, because she was too busy being a craft wizard and supermom.

Old age, however, is the perfect time to discover video games!

When asked what she wants for her 60th birthday, my mom always says, "a trip to Paris." Well, obviously, if I had Paris money, I wouldn't be working at a shitty video game store. You know what can take you to Paris, though?

(HINT: The answer is video games.)

Let's take a look at some video games that take place entirely or partially in France.

Remember Me. Technically, it takes place in "Neo-Paris," because it's the future and stuff. Remember Me is also the name of a crappy Robert Pattinson movie. I am not talking about the crappy Robert Pattinson movie.

Sly Cooper: Thieves in Time. Look at the cute raccoon, mom!! He's wearing a hat!

Bladestorm: The Hundred Years' War. Does 15th century France still count?

And that's just scratching the surface! There are dozens of World War II games set in France, and most racing games have a Paris level. What if we expanded our criteria to include games with French titles, or games made by French developers? Helloooo, Beyond: Two Souls, starring Willem Dafoe!

Seriously. You know where to find me. Have your people call my people. French video games. Gonna be awesome.

In any case, the point is, without my mom, this could never have happened:

Dry-erase Jeff Goldblum strikes again!

The world owes my mother a great debt.

Happy birthday, mom! Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

That pretty much means you can just do whatever you want.

P.S. I love you.

P.P.S. My mom watched and genuinely enjoyed the movie P.S. I Love You, because she is a dork.