On why I've decided to pre-order Beyond: Two Souls

Beyond: Two Souls has been on our troll-the-public-for-pre-orders radar for about a year now. It's being developed by Quantic Dream, AKA those people in France who made Heavy Rain. I've never played Heavy Rain, because I didn't get a PS3 until last spring, and I have limited time resources. (Fuck, I didn't even play get a chance to play Journey until last month.)  

The point is, Beyond: Two Souls has gotten a ton of press because it stars Ellen Page.

You know what? I'm kind of over Ellen Page. I'm just gonna come out and say it. I haven't enjoyed an Ellen Page movie since Hard Candy. So I was kind of like, real celebrities in video games, motion capture technology, woo hoo. "Pre-order Beyond: Two Souls, starring Ellen Page!" I've been known to buy games just because they have female protagonists (Assassin's Creed Liberation), but this one didn't do much for me. Then, I was watching a preview of the game, and I found out who her co-star is.

Willem Dafoe.

Willem fucking Dafoe.

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Willem Dafoe, in Beyond: Two Souls. Can you say ladyboner?]

Why would that not be all over everything? Why would the entire world not be like, "come play this video game, starring Willem Dafoe?" Did everyone else know that Willem Dafoe is in Beyond: Two Souls and just didn't tell me, 'cause y'all are pricks?

DAFOE.

I am going to buy Beyond: Two Souls at full price when it comes out, because I want to play a video game starring Willem Dafoe. I am ok with this decision. 

Actually, I should probably go watch The Life Aquatic again, right now. Willem Dafoe and Jeff Goldblum? And silly hats? Rawr.