Oh no! My gamer cred!

Gamers are jerks, and they love to spoil games for other people. The day after Bioshock Infinite came out, one of our repeat offenders pranced in and told me the ending, because he looked it up on Youtube and decided it was stupid. Back in December, someone spoiled Far Cry 3 for bossbro over the phone. Just called up the store two days after the game came out and opened with, "So, how about that ending to Far Cry 3 where blah blah blah?"

On behalf of media salespeople everywhere: THANKS, DOUCHE!

So it wasn't that unusual when today at work, a child walked up to me and told me the ending to Batman: Arkham City. I have yet to play Batman: Arkham City. In hindsight, it's kind of amazing that I didn't know the ending yet, since it came out a year and a half ago and I work in an environment where people are constantly shouting out the endings to things, with no concern for how it affects me.

"Well, thanks for that," I said to the kid. "I haven't even played that game yet."

"Umm, you work in a game store. Shouldn't you have played every single game ever made?" Also a common assumption about us lowly video game salespeople. Unfortunately, I haven't had time to play test Dora Saves The Mermaids, because I was too busy doing literally anything else. 

"I bet I know a ton of stuff about games you've never even heard of," I said. "Wanna know the ending to Dragon Warrior on the NES?" Surprisingly, he had heard of Dragon Warrior on the NES. He must have good parents.

"Oh, I played that once, it was fun. But I kept getting killed by slimes." 

"So you didn't finish it." He shook his head. "Do you want to know the ending?"

"Yeah, ok."

"You kill the Dragonlord, you get the princess, and then the game ends."

Pause.

"It was the 80s, they didn't have fancy endings." 

He didn't look very impressed. But whatever- I beat Dragon Warrior. Multiple times. I didn't get killed by no slimes. And it was fuckin' awesome.

 

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: The starting screen for the American version of Dragon Warrior on the NES. Hurtmore! Hurtmore! Healmore! Thou art dead.]