Introducing: Coworker Awesome Sauce

My basically unmentioned final coworker, who wants to be called "Awesome Sauce" (ASS for short), is the last of our part-time people. You may remember him from when he barfed in this post. Mr. Awesome Sauce is, naturally, our resident super high-maintenance cashier, who has more degrees than everyone else in the store combined. (Every store has one.) This is actually his last week, as he's decided to become a full-time dog walker instead. You know, because he'd rather literally handle shit than work at my store.

I don't really blame him.

Today, some weirdo came in with a busted Wii U and started ranting. This is not uncommon, so I missed the first part of it.

"-and I spent forever on the phone with Nintendo, and it's totally busted, and it was supposed to be new but it wasn't," he was saying. His girlfriend was with him, punctuating the story with complaints about some return policy I didn't recognize.

"Um, what?" I asked.
                                                     
"I got this on eBay and it's not new at all," he said. ASS stepped in.

"How much did you pay for it?"

"$265," said Weirdo.

"Wow," said ASS. "That's a great deal."

(No. No it is not.)

"It would be if it worked,"  said Weirdo.

(Doubtful.)

"So- why is it here?" I asked, pointing at the boxed Wii U in Weirdo's hands. I was genuinely concerned that he was going to try to get us to exchange it for him. Luckily, Weirdo wasn't quite that stupid.

"I want to trade it towards getting a new Zelda Wii U," he said.

"Whoa whoa whoa hold on," said ASS. "This was a huge rip-off when you bought it, but when we buy it it's totally fine?"

Weirdo looked right into ASS's eyes, with a perfectly blank face. And after a long moment, he said:

"Yes."

My shift was over and I was on my way out, so I missed the end of the saga of Weirdo's Busted eBay Wii U. Apparently, though, bossbro refused the trade because the cords had exposed wiring. Then Weirdo's Girlfriend complained that Pokémon was too expensive, and they went on their merry way.

And I totally got permission to call Mr. Awesome Sauce ASS on the internet, so, win-win.